<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" version="2.0" xmlns:itunes="http://www.itunes.com/dtds/podcast-1.0.dtd" xmlns:googleplay="http://www.google.com/schemas/play-podcasts/1.0"><channel><title><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul® : Embodiment]]></title><description><![CDATA[Where emotional mastery and pattern excavation take root. This section guides you into integrating deeper truths, dissolving old loops, and living from grounded self-awareness.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/s/embodiment</link><image><url>https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png</url><title>Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul® : Embodiment</title><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/s/embodiment</link></image><generator>Substack</generator><lastBuildDate>Thu, 18 Jun 2026 19:29:33 GMT</lastBuildDate><atom:link href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/feed" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml"/><copyright><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></copyright><language><![CDATA[en]]></language><webMaster><![CDATA[celinnedacosta@substack.com]]></webMaster><itunes:owner><itunes:email><![CDATA[celinnedacosta@substack.com]]></itunes:email><itunes:name><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></itunes:name></itunes:owner><itunes:author><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></itunes:author><googleplay:owner><![CDATA[celinnedacosta@substack.com]]></googleplay:owner><googleplay:email><![CDATA[celinnedacosta@substack.com]]></googleplay:email><googleplay:author><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></googleplay:author><itunes:block><![CDATA[Yes]]></itunes:block><item><title><![CDATA[💎 What if your greatest need isn't love?]]></title><description><![CDATA[This piece explores why being understood &#8212; not loved &#8212; is our deepest human need, how leaders can offer this to the people around them, and what changes in rooms, teams, and relationships when they do.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/what-if-your-greatest-need-isnt-love</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/what-if-your-greatest-need-isnt-love</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 12 Jun 2026 15:00:54 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/201729812/b2edcf5c-64d5-4d06-8afc-3ce7208f0a76/transcoded-1781264225.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I was recently interviewing a man who had spent four years studying in Nepal under Dr. Naram, the same doctor who has treated the Dalai Lama. He was a Nepalese healer known for what could only be described as miracles.</p><p>This man &#8212; a researcher by trade &#8212; sought out the doctor because he was skeptical. He wanted to disprove the whole thing. So he watched, studied, and kept his disbelief close. Even when he saw this doctor spending six, maybe ten minutes with each patient, and how they walked out changed... he still couldn&#8217;t believe it.</p><p>Until he got desperate enough to bring his father, who had an incurable terminal diagnosis, for treatment.</p><p>He sat in the waiting room thinking: I&#8217;m wasting my time here. This is not possible. He can&#8217;t help my dad.</p><p>And then his father walked out... with light in his eyes, a pep in his step, and a spirit that hadn&#8217;t moved through him since when he was healthy. He walked out of that room believing, for the first time, that he was going to heal.</p><p>It took his father six months to heal completely.</p><h4>What the doctor saw that the others didn&#8217;t</h4><p>When this man asked Dr. Naram how &#8212; how was this possible? &#8212; the answer had nothing to do with medicine, or technique, or even his years of training.</p><p>Dr. Naram told him that his father had arrived having already lost hope. He had been seen by doctor after doctor who looked at the broken parts and declared them in need of fixing. The story he had been handed was that he was a collection of problems.</p><p>Whereas Dr. Naram saw this man as whole.</p><p>Yes, there was illness. Yes, there was imbalance. But the imbalance existed inside a wholeness that had never actually left. And when his father walked into that room, he felt that. He felt seen, understood, and received in that.</p><p>This man told me that Dr. Naram had turned to him and asked:</p><p>&#8220;Do you know what the greatest human need is?&#8221;</p><p>The man said, &#8220;well &#8212; it&#8217;s love, isn&#8217;t it?&#8221;</p><p>The doctor shook his head and laughed. It&#8217;s close enough. It&#8217;s up there. But our greatest need?</p><p>Is to be understood.</p><p>When I heard that, chills ran down my spine.</p><p>I saw myself in it immediately. I saw my clients in it. I saw my entire body of work in it.</p><h4>The pattern beneath every relapse</h4><p>I saw all the times I cried out for love. All the moments I relapsed into old patterns and behaviors &#8212; anger, disconnection, feeling unlovable, feeling unworthy. And yes, there were people who were giving me love. But what I actually needed in those moments was for someone to see me. To understand me.</p><p>Have you noticed how your entire nervous system exhales, when you feel you&#8217;ve been understood?</p><p>That&#8217;s what Dr. Naram gave people: not a diagnosis, not a treatment plan &#8212; he simply saw them as whole, and they felt that.</p><p>It&#8217;s what shifted my own coaching practice, too. The work was never really about fixing people or solving their problems. It was about seeing them in their wholeness and supporting them to remember it. And when that&#8217;s what you bring into a room &#8212; not problem-solving energy, but genuine seeing &#8212; something changes. People feel it. They exhale and the energy that was previously stuck, can finally move through.</p><p>(There&#8217;s a thread here that connects directly to what happens when you&#8217;re in a high-stakes conversation and you lose yourself &#8212; I wrote about that in <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-skill-that-will-save-every-relationship?r=z9o9v">The Skill That Will Save Every Relationship: The Lost Art of Human Connection</a>, and it&#8217;s worth reading alongside this one.)</p><h4>What the full transmission holds</h4><p>In the audio, I go into where this pattern shows up in leadership specifically &#8212; the meetings where someone&#8217;s agenda is really a cry to be understood, the feedback conversations that go sideways because both people are waiting to be seen before they can actually hear. I share the specific shift that has changed how I navigate those moments... and what happens in the room when a leader stops trying to fix and starts trying to genuinely understand.</p><p>If you&#8217;ve ever left an important conversation wondering why it went wrong despite your best intentions... this is for you. And this work is also deeply connected to what I explore in <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-real-cost-of-not-being-understood?r=z9o9v">The Real Cost of Not Being Understood</a> &#8212; worth reading alongside this one.</p><p>And yes, it requires something... It requires that you can be present enough to hold it.</p><p>This transmission is for the leader who knows how to perform presence, but is ready to actually live there.</p><div><hr></div><blockquote><p><em><strong>TAKEAWAY</strong></em><strong>:</strong> <em>You can't demand to be understood. But the next time someone shuts down or gets reactive, try this instead: stop trying to get your point across, and get curious about what they actually need to feel heard. Watch what changes.</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h4><strong>WAYS TO WORK WITH ME</strong></h4><p><strong>Articulate:</strong> You have a vision. A book, a stage, a movement, a room you need to lead differently. But when you open your mouth to communicate, it doesn&#8217;t quite come out the way it lives inside you. This cohort is where you learn to speak from the place that actually moves people and carries your vision forward. <strong><a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/articulate-application">Learn more.</a></strong></p><p></p><h4><strong>Related reading:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-skill-that-will-save-every-relationship?r=z9o9v">The Skill That Will Save Every Relationship: The Lost Art of Human Connection</a></strong></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-real-cost-of-not-being-understood?r=z9o9v">The Real Cost of Not Being Understood</a></strong></p></li></ul>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 "I choose to trust the great genius unfolding in my life"]]></title><description><![CDATA[This piece explores how leaders can build the capacity to trust life when things aren't going their way, why blaming outside and shaming inside are the same pattern, and what it takes to shift from "why is this happening to me" to "what is this asking me to grow into."]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-choose-to-trust-the-great-genius</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-choose-to-trust-the-great-genius</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 21 May 2026 15:02:50 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/198591426/4e449ce1-65d4-417e-9afa-46172be4a46b/transcoded-1779355767.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There&#8217;s a prayer I recite almost every morning.</p><p>It begins with, &#8220;I choose to trust the great genius unfolding in my life.&#8221;</p><p>Learning how to trust has been one of my biggest spiritual practices in the last decade. Not <em>thinking</em> or believing that I trust, but feeling, in my body and in my bones, that I trust the great genius unfolding in my life &#8212; God, Source, Mother Nature, Universe.</p><p>And oh, that is the human experience! Learning how to have faith rather than collapse into fear of what we&#8217;ve created in our mind, in our 3D, mentally constructed paradigm.</p><p>It&#8217;s easier said than done. I am very much an apprentice of this work... And I find that the moments when my trust and my faith are most challenged are, surprise surprise, the moments when things are simply not going my way.</p><p>Those are the moments when my faith is tested. It&#8217;s easy to trust when everything is flowing just the way, or better than, you envisioned. But when life rears its ugly head and we&#8217;re met with a seemingly unfathomable challenge, those are the moments when we fall to our knees and go, &#8220;why God have you forsaken me? What&#8217;s wrong with me? What&#8217;s wrong with this person? What&#8217;s wrong with everything?&#8221;</p><p>And then the shame kicks in. The guilt. The self-punishment, and the judgment of others.</p><p>There&#8217;s so much dysfunction in modern day society that we are taught, systematically, to treat challenge as something happening <em>to</em> us. To point fingers at whoever is the perpetrator of our pain. And when that doesn&#8217;t work, to turn all of that blame and anger back inside &#8212; because that doesn&#8217;t help either. It&#8217;s an inverse of the same problem.</p><h4><strong>The third posture</strong></h4><p>My life started to drastically get better when I began to ask myself...</p><p>What if I trusted the great genius unfolding in my life, including this challenge? What if this is part of the great genius unfolding, and I simply can&#8217;t see it yet?</p><p>That&#8217;s hard to stomach when the human is in pain, shocked, confused, and wanting certainty. The practice is how do we take care of the human &#8212; sleep, water, food, the day off, the hug, the call to someone you love &#8212; and at the same time, zoom out and come back into divine neutrality.</p><p>This is where we get to take a more proactive role. Instead of staying in &#8220;why is this happening to me again?&#8221;, we get to ask: what is the lesson? What is being mirrored back to me right now?</p><p>What is it that I get to learn in the obstacle?</p><p>This is where it transitions from life as hard, to life as a game I get to play <em>with</em> life.</p><h4><strong>If you keep repeating the same pattern</strong></h4><p>II had a client who used to come to me consistently manifesting a toxic masculine wound in her life, from her own unresolved issues with her father. She would attract both men and women who would mirror the same patterns of control, abuse, of making her feel small and like a bad little girl.</p><p>She was suffering &#8212; because everywhere she turned, in life and in work, she kept encountering those people. She kept reliving the grief, the sadness, the not-enoughness she had been living since she was a little girl, consistently repeating it on cycle.</p><p>When she became aware that this was exactly what she was doing &#8212; that this particular flavor of challenge was actually a lesson &#8212; everything started to shift. It was life saying to her: are you ready to grow from this yet? Are you ready to expand bigger than your trauma?</p><p>There are gifts here for you to collect, but you can&#8217;t see them because all you&#8217;re doing is looking at the pain. (This is the same thread I unpack in <strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-worst-enemy-becomes-your">When Your Worst Enemy Becomes Your Greatest Teacher</a></strong>.)</p><p>It took a couple of rounds for her to really get it in her body. And when she did, it was like a switch flipped.</p><p>Instead of &#8220;why is this happening to me again?&#8221;, she began to spot it. &#8220;Oh, I&#8217;m doing it again, aren&#8217;t I?&#8221; She started showing up differently &#8212; and the obstacle, with time, released itself from her life.</p><p>She graduated.</p><p>A few years in, she came to me and said, &#8220;oh, I found my avatar, there we go&#8221; &#8212; and now she&#8217;s stepping into higher octaves of the same lesson with a fraction of the pain.</p><p>You will be challenged. That doesn&#8217;t end. We live in a world of duality. (I&#8217;ve written before about what this posture looks like when the ground is really breaking open, in <strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/faith-through-fire-keeping-your-heart">Faith Through Fire: Keeping Your Heart Open When Life Breaks It</a></strong>.)</p><p>IIt&#8217;s not about avoiding what we deem as bad. It&#8217;s about shifting our posture to know that what&#8217;s happening is happening for us rather than to us.</p><p>That shift changes everything downstream from it.</p><p><strong>What I share in the full transmission</strong></p><p>In the audio, I walk through the actual practice of holding both layers at once &#8212; how to take care of the human in the mess and zoom out into divine neutrality at the same time, without bypassing either one. I share the exact questions I ask myself when I catch myself in &#8220;why is this happening to me?&#8221; &#8212; and how to use them to locate the specific lesson inside the obstacle you&#8217;re standing in right now.</p><p>If you&#8217;ve been sitting inside a challenge that keeps repeating in a slightly different way... this is for you.</p><div><hr></div><blockquote><p><em><strong>TAKEAWAY</strong></em><strong>:</strong> <em>The obstacle isn't proof something is wrong with your life. It's the next thing your life is asking you to grow through.</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h4><strong>WAYS TO WORK WITH ME</strong></h4><p><strong>Read </strong><em><strong>The Burning Ground</strong></em><strong> </strong>&#8212; I walked away from my unfulfilling life, bought a one-way ticket, and spent almost a year on a soul journey that took me across 18 countries &#8212; staying in the homes of 70+ strangers &#8212; to discover the purpose I&#8217;d been outrunning. This is the story of what I found on the other side, and what I&#8217;ve spent the last decade teaching. Pre-order now and receive an exclusive guided meditation and reader&#8217;s companion to guide you from where you are to your next transformation. <strong><a href="https://theburningground.com/">Pre-order your copy.</a></strong></p><p></p><h4><strong>Related reading:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-worst-enemy-becomes-your">When Your Worst Enemy Becomes Your Greatest Teacher</a></strong></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/faith-through-fire-keeping-your-heart">Faith Through Fire: Keeping Your Heart Open When Life Breaks It</a></strong></p></li></ul>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 How do you actually feel your emotions?]]></title><description><![CDATA[This piece explains why high performers stall in emotional processing despite all the inner work, the three-part mechanic that actually moves feeling through the body, and why discomfort capacity is a core leadership skill.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/how-do-you-actually-feel-your-emotions</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/how-do-you-actually-feel-your-emotions</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 13 May 2026 15:02:24 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/197477334/114d0c28-de29-45e3-93cd-fc01cfe08191/transcoded-1778666962.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A client of mine, who&#8217;s an executive in the middle of rewiring his nervous system toward more joy and calm, asked me a question recently that stopped me in my tracks:</p><p>Celinne, <em>how</em> do I feel my emotions?</p><p>I almost answered too quickly. But I&#8217;ve been asked this by so many extremely intelligent, self-aware, high-performing, heart-led human beings that I&#8217;ve stopped treating it as a basic question.</p><p>When I really think about it, it&#8217;s a question most people never get the answer to in a lifetime. We don&#8217;t have education systems or processes baked into modern society that actually teach us how to feel our emotions in a healthy way...</p><p>It&#8217;s kind of crazy when you think about it.</p><h4><strong>Sound, breath, movement</strong></h4><p>Here is what I&#8217;ll share. Feeling your emotions is really just three things. Sound, breath, and movement.</p><p><strong>Sound </strong>&#8212; sounding, sighing, activating your vagus nerve. When you&#8217;re angry, there&#8217;s a sound. When you&#8217;re sad, it&#8217;s the whale. When you&#8217;re laughing, there&#8217;s sound that naturally emerges from your body when you&#8217;re in the emotion authentically.</p><p><strong>Breath </strong>&#8212; when people are stressed, it&#8217;s really short. When people are relaxed, you have these long, slow, belly breaths. As a breathworker, I can tell so much about a person&#8217;s internal state just by watching how they breathe.</p><p><strong>Movement </strong>&#8212; punching a pillow. Boxing. Letting healthy aggression move through. Or you&#8217;ve collapsed on the floor in a crying fit and curled into a ball. Ecstatic dance to a song that matches your grief. Your body knows how to express the emotion if you let it.</p><p>(I would also add a fourth one... <strong>choice</strong>, a.k.a. our ability to just decide and create a shift, but this is a story for another time!)</p><p>That&#8217;s really it. It&#8217;s so simple that it stuns people when they first hear it.</p><h4><strong>The question underneath the question</strong></h4><p>When I tell people this, I watch their face drop. Because that wasn&#8217;t actually the question.</p><p>The real question underneath the question is actually: <em>why won&#8217;t I?</em></p><p>That is where I find people getting stuck. And that&#8217;s the real conversation &#8212; because if you walk around with stuck, unprocessed emotions every day, they become a big fat filter through which you see reality. (I&#8217;ve gone deeper into how this plays out specifically with our attention in <strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/doomscrolling-again?r=z9o9v">Doomscrolling Again?</a>.</strong>)</p><p>You start perceiving the world through whatever you haven&#8217;t felt. The decisions you make, the relationships you build, the things you create all carry that undercurrent. And the people who are most prone to this, in my experience, are the ones who appear to have the most figured out on the outside.</p><h4><strong>How avoidance actually shows up</strong></h4><p>Most high performers don&#8217;t think they&#8217;re avoiding anything. They think they&#8217;re being productive, focused, disciplined, and sometimes they are... But there&#8217;s a tell.</p><p>It&#8217;s the urgency to check your phone the moment a hard thought lands. The sudden need to reorganize your inbox when a feeling rises. The dramatic situation that keeps repeating in your life that you can&#8217;t quite explain. The way you go cold the moment intimacy gets real.</p><p>This is the body&#8217;s strategy for not feeling what it doesn&#8217;t have capacity for yet.</p><p>The most useful question I know to interrupt this isn&#8217;t &#8220;what am I feeling?&#8221; &#8212; it&#8217;s <em>&#8220;what would I feel right now if I didn&#8217;t reach for the thing?&#8221; </em>That single pause is the doorway. It&#8217;s where the practice begins.</p><h4><strong>What I share in the full transmission</strong></h4><p>In the audio, I walk through why high performers, specifically, freeze at the doorway of their own emotional body... even after years of inner work. I share what the buffer period of &#8220;I don&#8217;t know how to do this&#8221; actually looks like, why sitting in that discomfort is one of the most underrated skills you can develop as a leader, and what changes in your decisions and relationships once emotions actually start moving through instead of staying stuck.</p><p>If you&#8217;ve been asking yourself, <em>why am I still reacting this way after all the inner work? </em>&#8212; this is for you.</p><div><hr></div><blockquote><p><em><strong>TAKEAWAY</strong></em><strong>:</strong> <em>Your unfelt emotions become a big fat filter through which you see and sense reality.</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h4><strong>WAYS TO WORK WITH ME</strong></h4><p><strong>Read </strong><em><strong>The Burning Ground</strong></em><strong> </strong>&#8212; I walked away from my unfulfilling life, bought a one-way ticket, and spent almost a year on a soul journey that took me across 18 countries &#8212; staying in the homes of 70+ strangers &#8212; to discover the purpose I&#8217;d been outrunning. This is the story of what I found on the other side, and what I&#8217;ve spent the last decade teaching. Pre-order now and receive an exclusive guided meditation and reader&#8217;s companion to guide you from where you are to your next transformation. <strong><a href="https://theburningground.com/">Pre-order your copy.</a></strong></p><p></p><h4><strong>Related reading:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/oops-i-did-it-again-how-to-stop-punishing?r=z9o9v">&#8220;Oops, I Did It Again&#8221;: How to Stop Punishing Yourself for Repeating Habits You Thought You&#8217;d Outgrown</a></strong></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/doomscrolling-again?r=z9o9v">Doomscrolling Again?</a></strong></p></li></ul>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[ 💎 How I learned to stop running from hard situations (and what to do instead)]]></title><description><![CDATA[This piece explores how high-achieving leaders can reframe workplace conflict, difficult team members, and business fires as opportunities for leadership development rather than problems to escape or fix.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/how-i-learned-to-stop-running-from</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/how-i-learned-to-stop-running-from</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2026 15:03:11 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/196517336/340d310c-435f-442b-b299-1e4565c8b410/transcoded-1777970681.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>What do you do when you&#8217;re navigating a really difficult situation at work?</p><p>Where a team member is feeling very emotionally charged, a contractor has gone rogue, you&#8217;re bumping heads with your business partner, you&#8217;re feeling stretched and at capacity... whether something broke down in the business, there&#8217;s an operational fire, an unhappy client.</p><p>How do you handle it?</p><p>I want to share a practice I walk my clients through when they&#8217;re getting so caught up in the micro of the situation that they&#8217;re losing sight of what is the opportunity being presented to them.</p><h4><strong>The zoom-out practice</strong></h4><p>Let&#8217;s say you&#8217;re working in a team and you have a colleague you&#8217;re not getting along with. You&#8217;re bumping heads, they&#8217;re being really difficult, and you cannot seem to see eye to eye. Plus, it&#8217;s somebody you can&#8217;t even fire... somebody who&#8217;s shoulder to shoulder with you, or even someone you&#8217;re working for.</p><p>It&#8217;s really easy to want to run away from the problem. If you&#8217;re an entrepreneur, it&#8217;s easy to think, &#8220;oh, I&#8217;ll just fire them and be done with it.&#8221;</p><p>But what happens if you choose to lean into the challenge?</p><p>What if the client who&#8217;s unhappy with your service is there to mirror back to you a part of you that you have not yet seen, acknowledged, or integrated? What if the team member you hired two years ago who is now being challenging is there to mirror back the ways you&#8217;ve shifted and shed old identities &#8212; and grown into a new version of yourself that is not compatible with the old ways of operating anymore? (I&#8217;ve seen what this reframe can do &#8212; <strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-worst-enemy-becomes-your">When Your Worst Enemy Becomes Your Greatest Teacher</a></strong> is one of the most read pieces I&#8217;ve written on exactly this.</p><p>Because when we start to look at life as a benevolent force &#8212; when we really believe that we&#8217;re loved, we&#8217;re taken care of, that life, universe, God is looking out for us &#8212; it begins to shift how we relate and respond to the situation.</p><p>This is a thought exercise that one of my clients loves, to the point that she&#8217;s completely embodied it now: this person is just an avatar playing out something unresolved within you. Meaning: the difficult person in front of you is showing you something that lives inside you &#8212; a pattern, a wound, a place where you haven&#8217;t yet stepped up. That&#8217;s the invitation.</p><h4><strong>What this is not</strong></h4><p>Let&#8217;s be real, people do shitty things. People act out of integrity. They break agreements.</p><p>But there&#8217;s a fine line between spiritual bypassing &#8212; it&#8217;s all my fault, it&#8217;s all happening inside of me, and therefore I should take accountability for all of it, including other people&#8217;s bad behavior &#8212; and the deeper inquiry of:</p><p><em>If I am creating my own reality, consciously or unconsciously, how is this experience playing out for my highest good?</em></p><p>Ask yourself that question.</p><p>What if life is presenting you with an invitation to see parts of you that were previously hidden? To see the places where you may be operating out of integrity, where you didn&#8217;t speak up for myself, where you overrode your intuition, where you didn&#8217;t have the courage to speak your truth?</p><p>How can you illuminate the places where you need to step up as a leader, as a partner, as a friend?</p><h4><strong>What the challenge is actually teaching</strong></h4><p>When you look at it from this perspective, it&#8217;s a win-win game.</p><p>Take an unhappy customer. On the surface it looks like a client problem to resolve. But zoom out, and it&#8217;s almost always pointing at something &#8212; a gap in how you set expectations, a place where you didn&#8217;t speak up when you should have, a standard you haven&#8217;t yet held for yourself. The situation didn&#8217;t create the gap. It revealed it.</p><p>And that&#8217;s just one example. Each difficult situation &#8212; the rogue contractor, the operational fire, the colleague you can&#8217;t get along with &#8212; has something specific it&#8217;s trying to show you. (And <strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-conflict-becomes-your-greatest">When Conflict Becomes Your Greatest Teacher</a></strong> goes deeper on the specific pattern underneath most of these moments.</p><p>These are all opportunities to learn more about yourself.</p><p>Because ultimately, the vision you&#8217;re bringing to life &#8212; your dream, what you&#8217;re here to create on a soul level &#8212; requires you to be showing up in a certain way, at a certain frequency.</p><h4><strong>What I share in the full transmission</strong></h4><p>In the audio, I walk through the specific questions I use with clients when they&#8217;re in the middle of a difficult situation &#8212; the ones that shift you from &#8220;how do I make this stop&#8221; to &#8220;what is this asking me to grow into.&#8221; I also talk about something I&#8217;ve observed spending time with happy, wealthy people &#8212; why the entrepreneur with ten franchises is less stressed than the contractor working twice as hard for a fraction of the revenue. It&#8217;s not talent. It&#8217;s not resilience. And understanding what it actually is changes how you relate to every hard thing that comes your way.</p><p><em>This transmission is for the leader who&#8217;s navigating something messy right now and is willing to ask: how do I get to grow into the person this situation is asking me to become?</em></p><div><hr></div><blockquote><p><em><strong>TAKEAWAY</strong></em><strong>:</strong> <em>The challenges in your life aren't problems to manage &#8212; they're initiations. And you get to choose whether they forge you or just exhaust you.</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h4><strong>WAYS TO WORK WITH ME</strong></h4><p><strong>Read </strong><em><strong>The Burning Ground</strong></em><strong> </strong>&#8212; I walked away from my unfulfilling life, bought a one-way ticket, and spent almost a year on a soul journey that took me across 18 countries &#8212; staying in the homes of 70+ strangers &#8212; to discover the purpose I&#8217;d been outrunning. This is the story of what I found on the other side, and what I&#8217;ve spent the last decade teaching. Pre-order now and receive an exclusive guided meditation and reader&#8217;s companion to guide you from where you are to your next transformation. <strong><a href="https://theburningground.com/">Pre-order your copy.</a></strong></p><p><strong>Articulate:</strong> You have a vision. A book, a stage, a movement, a room you need to lead differently. But when you open your mouth to communicate, it doesn&#8217;t quite come out the way it lives inside you. This cohort is where you learn to speak from the place that actually moves people and carries your vision forward. <strong><a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/articulate-application">Learn more.</a></strong></p><p></p><h4><strong>Related reading:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-conflict-becomes-your-greatest">When Conflict Becomes Your Greatest Teacher</a></strong></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-worst-enemy-becomes-your">When Your Worst Enemy Becomes Your Greatest Teacher</a></strong></p></li></ul>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 We rise and fall to the level of our identity: why you collapse under pressure — and how to build the version of you that doesn't]]></title><description><![CDATA[his piece explores why high-achieving leaders collapse emotionally when circumstances shift, what "circumstantial power" costs you long-term, and how to build an identity rooted enough to lead through challenge without unraveling.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/we-rise-and-fall-to-the-level-of</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/we-rise-and-fall-to-the-level-of</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 21 Apr 2026 15:40:56 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/194919815/c4621b92-2d67-4424-9f40-d0471d1e5901/transcoded-1776784110.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>About a year ago, I recorded a voice note from bed &#8212; physically sick, coming off one of the harder stretches in my business &#8212; and said something out loud that I hadn&#8217;t fully understood yet.</p><p>I wasn&#8217;t planning to share it... But it&#8217;s time.</p><p>Here&#8217;s what it revealed:</p><p>Most of us have built our sense of who we are on circumstances that can be taken away. We feel powerful when the money is there. When the relationship is going well. When business is moving and the team is aligned. But the moment any of that wobbles &#8212; the revenue dips, the team conflict gets personal, the body stops cooperating &#8212; something else wobbles too. The faith, the groundedness, the identity that previously felt so solid.</p><p>This is circumstantial power, and almost every high-achiever I know has more of it than they realize.</p><p>The sign that you&#8217;re running on it: you can journal about gratitude every morning and still find yourself, on a hard Tuesday, questioning your worth. Not because the practice is wrong, but because the foundation it&#8217;s resting on can shift depending on what&#8217;s happening externally in your life.</p><p>A friend had said to me, about six months before that recording: we rise and fall to the level of our identity. I&#8217;d been studying personal development for almost a decade by then. Tens of thousands of hours of inner work, and still this had slipped by me.</p><p>I had built myself into someone I was genuinely proud of &#8212; the work ethic, the capacity for love, the connection to something larger than myself. All real and authentic.</p><p>But my blind spot was this: who am I when I&#8217;m deeply, deeply challenged? Not when life is good, but when it&#8217;s hard. (I explored what happens when the body is the one forcing that question in <strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-you-cant-find-creator-results?r=z9o9v">Living in Survival State Keeps You Unconsciously Stuck</a></strong> &#8212; worth reading alongside this.)</p><p>I realized that feeling powerful only when the circumstances align is not real power... It&#8217;s borrowed power.</p><h4><strong>When everything is easy, we have circumstantial power</strong></h4><p>The shift I&#8217;ve been working on &#8212; for myself and with the leaders I work with &#8212; isn&#8217;t about acquiring more tools or having a better mindset. It&#8217;s about building the version of yourself that holds when the conditions don&#8217;t.</p><p>That morning, lying in real physical pain, fighting it the way I always had, I remembered something: what you resist, persists. So I stopped trying to make it stop. I switched from fighting the pain to leaning into it &#8212; accepting it as part of my current condition, breathing into it rather than away from it. My then-partner said, watching me: &#8220;that&#8217;s kind of like labor.&#8221; I said, &#8220;good. I&#8217;m in training.&#8221; (There&#8217;s a whole transmission on this exact shift &#8212; <strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-body-says-no-but-your-mind?r=z9o9v">When Your Body Says No But Your Mind Says &#8216;Don&#8217;t Be Difficult&#8217;.</a></strong>)</p><p>The question that changed everything wasn&#8217;t &#8220;how do I make this stop?&#8221; It was: if every single event in my life is leading me into my greatest self &#8212; what would be my response right now?</p><p>That shift &#8212; from this is happening to me to this is happening for me &#8212; isn&#8217;t a mindset hack. It&#8217;s a practice you have to build before you need it, over and over, in the small moments. So that when something actually tests you, you have something to stand on.</p><h4><strong>What&#8217;s in the full transmission</strong></h4><p>I walk through the specific process I used &#8212; in a moment of real physical pain, and in the middle of a situation that was testing everything I thought I&#8217;d built &#8212; to move from unconscious reaction to conscious response. The exact questions. What shifted in my body. What held.</p><p>This is the work that doesn&#8217;t show up on your highlight reel. But it&#8217;s what everything else stands on.</p><p>If you&#8217;ve built an identity you&#8217;re proud of and still find yourself collapsing when things get hard &#8212; this transmission is for you. Not because something is wrong, but because you&#8217;re being forged.</p><div><hr></div><blockquote><p><em><strong>TAKEAWAY:</strong> Your identity isn&#8217;t built in your best moments. It&#8217;s forged in your hardest ones &#8212; and you get to choose who you&#8217;re becoming in the fire.</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h4><strong>WAYS TO WORK WITH ME</strong></h4><p><strong>Articulate:</strong> You have a vision. A book, a stage, a movement, a room you need to lead differently. But when you open your mouth to communicate, it doesn&#8217;t quite come out the way it lives inside you. This cohort is where you learn to speak from the place that actually moves people and carries your vision forward. <strong><a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/articulate-application">Learn more.</a></strong></p><p><strong>Read </strong><em><strong>The Burning Ground</strong></em><strong> </strong>&#8212; I walked away from my unfulfilling life, bought a one-way ticket, and spent almost a year on a soul journey that took me across 18 countries &#8212; staying in the homes of 70+ strangers &#8212; to discover the purpose I&#8217;d been outrunning. This is the story of what I found on the other side, and what I&#8217;ve spent the last decade teaching. Pre-order now and receive an exclusive guided meditation and reader&#8217;s companion to guide you from where you are to your next transformation. <strong><a href="https://theburningground.com/">Pre-order your copy.</a></strong></p><p></p><h4><strong>Related reading:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-conflict-becomes-your-greatest?r=z9o9v">When Conflict Becomes Your Greatest Teacher</a></strong></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-you-cant-find-creator-results?r=z9o9v">Living in Survival State Keeps You Unconsciously Stuck &#8212; Here&#8217;s What Needs to Shift</a></strong></p></li></ul>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 Aware of it but still doing it? The stretch between seeing a pattern and being free of it]]></title><description><![CDATA[How leaders stay stuck in familiar patterns even after gaining self-awareness &#8212; what it looks like to be conscious of self-sabotage without yet being free of it, and how to navigate that stretch.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/aware-of-it-but-still-doing-it-the</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/aware-of-it-but-still-doing-it-the</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 08 Apr 2026 14:03:35 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/193441923/4121756c-cc98-41fe-a37b-3e264fe0864e/transcoded-1775568232.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A year ago I sat down by the Tiber &#8212; my city of birth, Rome &#8212; because I had hit a wall of decision paralysis so complete that I couldn&#8217;t think. Too many things I needed to shift, clean up, and grow through. I needed a walk. I needed water. I needed to be next to <em>something</em> that was alive and moving.</p><p>What I didn&#8217;t expect was to understand something I&#8217;d been avoiding.</p><h4><strong>Seeing it and still doing it</strong></h4><p>There&#8217;s a version of being stuck that&#8217;s forgivable: you don&#8217;t see the pattern. You&#8217;re running it unconsciously, and at least there&#8217;s some dignity in the not-knowing.</p><p><strong>But there&#8217;s another version that&#8217;s harder to sit with: you see the pattern clearly. You understand where it comes from. You know exactly what it costs. And... you&#8217;re still doing it.</strong></p><p>That&#8217;s the stretch I was in. And <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/youve-done-the-work-so-why-hasnt">awareness, it turns out, doesn&#8217;t free you from the pattern</a> &#8212; it just makes you responsible for it. Now you have to look at every place you let it in, every time you could have said no and said yes instead.</p><p>The not-knowing was its own kind of protection. This is why guilt and shame show up so heavily in this stretch after you become aware... You can&#8217;t claim you didn&#8217;t see it.</p><h4><strong>What it was actually costing me</strong></h4><p>Sitting by that river, I could name two patterns running in my business at the time.</p><p>One: being so afraid of making the wrong decision that I&#8217;d stall instead of move.</p><p>Two: <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/your-childhood-trauma-has-a-price?r=z9o9v">trusting people without vetting their competency before hiring them </a>&#8212; handing trust before it was earned because I wanted to be someone who trusted.</p><p>Both patterns have the same downstream: things blow up. You rebuild. You lose time, money, energy pulling everything back into alignment &#8212; and then you recreate the same situation at higher stakes.</p><p>That&#8217;s what it looks like when a pattern is real and active... it&#8217;s not just a vague sense that &#8220;something is off.&#8221;</p><h4><strong>What the river taught me</strong></h4><p>I didn&#8217;t leave my walk by river with a breakthrough. I left tired, still mid-pattern, still without answers. But something shifted in how I was holding it.</p><p><em>This is the moment I meet myself.</em> Not after the breakthrough, not once I&#8217;m through it, but right there... in the middle of the falling apart, in the space between thresholds where there&#8217;s no clarity and no sign coming.</p><p>That&#8217;s what I want to offer you here: <strong>the possibility that the messy middle isn&#8217;t a detour from the work, it </strong><em><strong>is</strong></em><strong> the work. </strong>That learning to be present with yourself mid-unraveling &#8212; before the resolution, before you&#8217;re on the other side &#8212; is itself a form of repatterning.</p><p>In the full voice training, I share the specific practice of trusting when you&#8217;re in a void, and what it looks like to meet yourself there instead of waiting for &#8220;a sign&#8221; first.</p><div><hr></div><blockquote><p><em><strong>TAKEAWAY:</strong> Awareness is not a shortcut. The messy middle is real, and being in it doesn&#8217;t mean you&#8217;re failing. Sometimes meeting yourself where you are IS the practice.</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h4><strong>WAYS TO WORK WITH ME</strong></h4><p><strong>Read </strong><em><strong>The Burning Ground</strong></em><strong> </strong>&#8212; I walked away from my unfulfilling life, bought a one-way ticket, and spent almost a year on a soul journey that took me across 18 countries &#8212; staying in the homes of 70+ strangers &#8212; to discover the purpose I&#8217;d been outrunning. This is the story of what I found on the other side, and what I&#8217;ve spent the last decade teaching. Pre-order now and receive an exclusive guided meditation and reader&#8217;s companion to guide you from where you are to your next transformation. <strong><a href="https://theburningground.com/">Pre-order your copy.</a></strong></p><p><strong>Living From Soul&#174; Membership:</strong> For leaders who&#8217;ve outgrown the success that got them here, and are ready to step into a more soulful, aligned way of walking your path. Weekly voice notes, monthly live calls, a growing library of trainings on story, identity, leadership, and what it actually means to build a life that fits. <strong><a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/lfs">Join here.</a></strong></p><div><hr></div><h4><strong>Related Reading:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-started-to-cry-and-i-started-to">I Started to Cry and I Started to Laugh at the Same Time</a></strong></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-you-want-to-hide-but-everyone">When You Want to Hide But Everyone Still Needs You</a></strong></p></li></ul>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 Why knowing better doesn't make you feel better]]></title><description><![CDATA[Why high-achieving leaders who know all the right frameworks still can't find genuine peace &#8212; and the specific emotional processing practice that makes spiritual acceptance physiologically possible instead of performative.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-knowing-better-doesnt-make-you</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-knowing-better-doesnt-make-you</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 24 Mar 2026 14:00:27 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/191912671/44476dc6-30f9-4793-a653-ae669330099c/transcoded-1774299019.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There&#8217;s a moment most people have had, and almost no one talks about.</p><p>Something hard is happening &#8212; a relationship ending, a team member leaving, a health crisis, a loss you didn&#8217;t see coming. And part of you <em>knows</em>... You&#8217;ve done enough inner work to know this is happening <em>for</em> you, to sense there&#8217;s a bigger picture.</p><p>But your body won&#8217;t get on board.</p><p>You lie awake at 3am. You feel the anger, the grief, the fear. And underneath all of it: <em>I know better than this. So why can&#8217;t I feel better than this?</em></p><h4><strong>What&#8217;s actually happening</strong></h4><p>You have a soul and you have a human. In moments like these, they are not in agreement.</p><p><strong>The soul holds what I call divine neutrality &#8212; that deep, unshakeable knowing that you&#8217;re okay, that the bigger picture is intact. It&#8217;s steady. It trusts.</strong></p><p>The human has different needs: love and belonging, significance, certainty. When those needs aren&#8217;t being met, the human is loud and makes it known through incongruence and friction.</p><p>The problem isn&#8217;t the gap between the soul and the human. The gap is natural, and it open and closes... that&#8217;s the human condition. The problem is what most people do when they hit the gap: they try to jump it. They perform gratitude they don&#8217;t feel. They tell themselves &#8220;this is happening for me&#8221; while their nervous system is <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-you-cant-find-creator-results">operating from survival state</a> &#8212; contracted, reactive, chemically incapable of accessing the peace they&#8217;re trying to feel.</p><p>The mind tries to help, but the mind can take the soul&#8217;s wisdom and weaponize it against the body: <em>Soul says you&#8217;re fine. Are you not fine? Why aren&#8217;t you fine?</em> And now you&#8217;ve moved from the original pain to a second layer: believing something is fundamentally wrong with you.</p><h4><strong>Divine neutrality is the climate. Emotions are the weather.</strong></h4><p>Divine neutrality is not the absence of difficult weather. It&#8217;s the <em>climate</em> you live in.</p><p><strong>The climate stays steady &#8212; the soul&#8217;s knowing that you&#8217;re okay, that this is unfolding </strong><em><strong>for</strong></em><strong> you. </strong>The weather moves through. You can feel profoundly sad and still be sitting inside divine neutrality. You can wake up with grief and still know, in your bones, that the sun comes back, because you live in a place where it does.</p><p>But you can only know your climate once you&#8217;ve actually processed the storm, not bypassed it. The phrase I come back to again and again: <em><strong>divine neutrality without emotional bypassing is the key to reuniting soul with human.</strong></em> And what that looks like in real time &#8212; <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-started-to-cry-and-i-started-to">the moment I realized my capacity to feel pain was the same as my capacity for joy</a> &#8212; changed how I understood what this practice asks of you.</p><p>In today&#8217;s voice training, I walk through the exact mechanism of emotional bypassing, what it somatically feels like when soul and human are genuinely back on the same team, and the specific telltale sign that you&#8217;ve arrived &#8212; the one that feels unmistakably different than pretending to feel peace when you&#8217;re actually unsettled.</p><p>If you&#8217;ve done the work and still can&#8217;t figure out why it hasn&#8217;t landed in your body... this one is for you.</p><div><hr></div><blockquote><p><em><strong>TAKEAWAY:</strong> You can&#8217;t think your way into peace. You can only feel your way there &#8212; and the soul will meet you on the other side. Divine neutrality without emotional bypassing is how you get there.</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h4><strong>WAYS TO WORK WITH ME</strong></h4><p><strong>Articulate:</strong> You have a vision. A book, a stage, a movement, a room you need to lead differently. But when you open your mouth to communicate, it doesn&#8217;t quite come out the way it lives inside you. This cohort is where you learn to speak from the place that actually moves people and carries your vision forward. <strong><a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/articulate-application">Learn more.</a></strong></p><div><hr></div><p><strong>Related Reading:</strong></p><ul><li><p><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-body-says-no-but-your-mind">When Your Body Says No But Your Mind Says Keep Going</a></p></li><li><p><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/youve-done-the-work-so-why-hasnt">You&#8217;ve Done the Work. So Why Hasn&#8217;t Anything Changed?</a></p><p></p></li></ul>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 What if your mind is too loud to hear what you already know? Learning to trust your intuition when your logical mind fights back]]></title><description><![CDATA[How high-achieving leaders reconnect with intuition and stop dismissing spiritual experiences as coincidences &#8212; exploring the mind-body state that makes clarity and guidance accessible again.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/what-if-your-mind-is-too-loud-to</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/what-if-your-mind-is-too-loud-to</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 18 Mar 2026 14:03:11 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/191228292/3b5113c6-7662-48c4-a4db-87731b6f8c5d/transcoded-1773836919.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I was gone for 90 seconds.</p><p>I got up from my table at a caf&#233; in Colombia to use the bathroom, came back, and found a small pink sticky note sitting next to my laptop, handwritten in Spanish with a little heart drawn at the bottom:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!FETR!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7851ff7a-52ab-4fde-b491-bbf168af5fdd_1024x1024.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!FETR!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7851ff7a-52ab-4fde-b491-bbf168af5fdd_1024x1024.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!FETR!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7851ff7a-52ab-4fde-b491-bbf168af5fdd_1024x1024.png 848w, 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srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!FETR!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7851ff7a-52ab-4fde-b491-bbf168af5fdd_1024x1024.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!FETR!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7851ff7a-52ab-4fde-b491-bbf168af5fdd_1024x1024.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!FETR!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7851ff7a-52ab-4fde-b491-bbf168af5fdd_1024x1024.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!FETR!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7851ff7a-52ab-4fde-b491-bbf168af5fdd_1024x1024.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p><em><strong>Happy Women&#8217;s Day. Be proud of the woman you are.</strong></em></p><p>I was there alone... there were two people in the caf&#233;, deep in conversation with each other, who didn&#8217;t seem to A feeling that moved through me... not of surprise, but of recognition...</p><p>This was the Universe winking at me.</p><h4><strong>When the doubt comes in</strong></h4><p>I&#8217;ve been in this practice long enough to know what comes next. The moment you have an experience that feels undeniably real &#8212; a dream, a synchronicity, a knowing that lands in your body before your mind can touch it &#8212; the doubt arrives right behind it.</p><p><em>That was probably just a coincidence.</em></p><p><em>I&#8217;m reading too much into it.</em></p><p><em>I probably made that up.</em></p><p>A friend of mine, a talented medium, said something to me recently that landed deeper than it had before: the Universe doesn&#8217;t let you doubt forever. When you&#8217;re having real experiences &#8212; on any level of consciousness &#8212; God speaks to you in symbols, in metaphors, and in signs to remind you that what you felt was real. To keep you from talking yourself out of your own lived experience.</p><p>That&#8217;s what the sticky note was. Not a fluke, but a reminder. (There&#8217;s a whole other layer to this &#8212; the relationship with the word God itself, and what it means to trust that you&#8217;re being spoken to. <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-used-to-say-universe-because-i?r=z9o9v">I wrote about that here.</a>)</p><h4><strong>The state that makes it possible</strong></h4><p>What if the synchronicities don&#8217;t stop? What if they&#8217;re happening <em>constantly, and w</em>hat changes is your ability to receive them?</p><p>When you&#8217;re in a contracted, survival-mode state &#8212; running the treadmill, managing the pressure, operating on fumes &#8212; you literally cannot see the signs. Your nervous system is too loud. The room is too busy. The whispers of the divine get drowned out by the noise. (<a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-started-to-cry-and-i-started-to?r=z9o9v">I&#8217;ve written about what it looks and feels like to finally let that contraction go.</a>)</p><p>But when you shift into what I call the creative state &#8212; expanded, open, parasympathetically regulated, not in emergency mode &#8212; the field opens... You start seeing what was always there.</p><p>The right person shows up. The answer comes. The sticky note appears.</p><p>Most high-achieving leaders visit this state on vacation, but they&#8217;ve never made it their default.</p><p>The leaders I work with who access the most clarity, who make the cleanest decisions, who feel most aligned with what they&#8217;re building are the ones who&#8217;ve learned to live from this state, not just drop into it occasionally.</p><h4><strong>What this transmission covers</strong></h4><p>In the full audio, I share what my friend the medium said to me about recurring dreams &#8212; and why the universe sends reinforcing signs specifically when your logical mind starts to fight back. I also walk through the specific practice I&#8217;ve been using to make the creative, expanded state my default rather than my exception... and more on the moment in the caf&#233; that made me realize I couldn&#8217;t question this anymore.</p><p>This one is for the leader who has outrun their ability to hear themselves. Who knows something is there &#8212; they&#8217;ve felt it &#8212; but keeps talking themselves out of it.</p><div><hr></div><blockquote><p><strong>TAKEAWAY:</strong> <em>You haven&#8217;t been cut off from guidance.Your mind has just been too loud. The practice isn&#8217;t about believing harder, it&#8217;s about quieting enough to hear what&#8217;s already speaking.</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h4><strong>WAYS TO WORK WITH ME</strong></h4><p>If this transmission landed &#8212; and you&#8217;re ready to stop editing yourself in the moments that matter most &#8212; Articulate is a 5-month live cohort for leaders who know what they want to say but can&#8217;t seem to get it out clean. Not because they lack ideas. Because something between the knowing and the speaking keeps getting in the way. <strong><a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/articulate-application">Apply for Articulate</a></strong></p><p></p><h4>Related Reading:</h4><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;7e6f0190-54a5-4b73-a11e-5e3488817592&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;When my last partner and I realized we were headed in different directions, he looked at me and asked, &#8220;What do we do?&#8221;&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Listen now&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&#128142; I started to cry and I started to laugh at the same time: why surrendering to heartbreak expands your capacity for joy.&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking &#8220;what's next?&#8221; Raw stories and transmissions that give words to what we feel in our depth but rarely say. 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A space to redesign how you communicate, lead, and live... from Soul. TEDx speaker. Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2025-10-06T14:03:00.772Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!XNHG!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F458228ed-accf-45a7-b381-4ac1994b0d30_4128x2752.png&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-used-to-say-universe-because-i&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;Embodiment&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:175419504,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;newsletter&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:6,&quot;comment_count&quot;:2,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div>
      <p>
          <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/what-if-your-mind-is-too-loud-to">
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Queen's Code: A Reframe on Men]]></title><description><![CDATA[In this masterclass, communication expert Celinne Da Costa and Relationship Alchemist Kasia Love Li share the principles that completely transformed their relationships with men &#8212; and can transform yours too.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-queens-code-a-reframe-on-men</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-queens-code-a-reframe-on-men</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 05 Mar 2026 12:57:02 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/189925927/4ba26c5cbd24179dc569f553785e2e73.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In this masterclass, communication expert Celinne Da Costa and Relationship Alchemist Kasia Love Li share the principles that completely transformed their relationships with men &#8212; and can transform yours too.</p><p>You&#8217;ll learn:</p><p>&#10024; The mirror principle: Why every man you attract reflects something unresolved inside you (and how to use this as your greatest tool for growth)</p><p>&#10024; The root wound most women carry that sabotages their relationships &#8212; and how to heal it</p><p>&#10024; Why &#8220;setting boundaries&#8221; doesn&#8217;t work without this one foundational shift</p><p>&#10024; How to raise your standards without demanding men change</p><p>&#10024; The &#8220;not in my house&#8221; energy that has men stepping up instead of stepping back</p><p>&#10024; How to communicate what you need in a way that actually lands with the masculine brain</p><p>&#10024; Why ease &#8212; not intensity &#8212; is the real signal of alignment</p><p>Whether you&#8217;re navigating dating, marriage, or difficult dynamics with men in the workplace, these principles apply everywhere. Because the way you relate to men in your personal life and professional life are sourced from the same place.</p><p>Includes live coaching demonstrations and Q&amp;A.</p>
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          <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-queens-code-a-reframe-on-men">
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Stop negotiating with your story. Metabolize it instead.]]></title><description><![CDATA[You already know WHY you do the thing. So why can't you stop? This piece explores what it actually means to metabolize a pattern &#8212; not think your way out of it &#8212; and the moment one leader finally saw the story that had been running her for 30 years.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/stop-negotiating-with-your-story</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/stop-negotiating-with-your-story</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 23 Feb 2026 19:35:32 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/789dbfae-1c35-4f6a-a9ec-19c39786ba0d_4480x3392.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I used to think I could just &#8220;think&#8221; my way out of my patterns.</p><p>If I just understood WHY I was doing the thing, I could stop doing the thing.</p><p>If I just figured out WHERE the belief came from, I could release the belief.</p><p>If I just had the RIGHT strategy, I could bypass the uncomfortable inner work.</p><p>Spoiler: It didn&#8217;t work.</p><p><strong>Because <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-conflict-becomes-your-greatest?r=z9o9v">the story you&#8217;re living inside isn&#8217;t logical. It&#8217;s emotional.</a></strong></p><p>You can&#8217;t logic your way out of <em>&#8220;I&#8217;ll be rejected if I&#8217;m fully myself.&#8221;<br></em>You can&#8217;t strategize your way out of <em>&#8220;I&#8217;m only valuable when I&#8217;m producing.&#8221;<br></em>You can&#8217;t plan your way out of <em>&#8220;I have to prove I belong.&#8221;</em></p><p>What you need to do&#8230; is <strong>metabolize it</strong></p><p>&#8230;</p><p>Metabolizing means:</p><p><strong>&#128171; Seeing the pattern clearly</strong> <strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-body-says-no-but-your-mind?r=z9o9v">(not just intellectually, but tracking it in your body)</a></strong></p><p><strong>&#128171; Understanding what it&#8217;s been teaching you</strong> (your soul&#8217;s curriculum)</p><p><strong>&#128171; Letting the old identity fall away</strong> (not because you killed it, but because you outgrew it)</p><p>For example, I worked with a woman who spent 30 years in corporate leadership. For 17+ years, she was trying to finish her book. She had the material, the expertise, the time.</p><p>But every time she sat down to write, she felt paralyzed.</p><p>So she stayed busy&#8230; She took on more work&#8230; She reorganized her office&#8230; She started new creative projects.</p><p>Anything to avoid sitting with the <em>actual</em> work.</p><p>Why? Because the book she wanted to write wasn&#8217;t the &#8220;credible corporate leader&#8221; version. It was the raw, vulnerable, fully human version of her.</p><p>And that version threatened the entire identity she had spent <em>years</em> meticulously building for the outside world.</p><p>So she negotiated<strong>.</strong> <em>&#8220;I&#8217;ll write it, but I&#8217;ll make it more strategic.&#8221;<br></em>And she numbed<strong>.</strong> <em>&#8220;I&#8217;ll just focus on my business for now.&#8221;</em></p><p>Until she finally saw the pattern:</p><p><em><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/social-media-is-stealing-your-voice?r=z9o9v">&#8220;I&#8217;ve been performing to feel loved and accepted my entire life. I&#8217;ve been proving I belong&#8230; And I&#8217;m exhausted.&#8221;</a></strong></em></p><p>Once she saw it&#8212;really saw it&#8212;the whole story fell away.</p><p>She stopped negotiating and numbing. She finished the book, and within the year, she <em>published</em> it.</p><p>She&#8217;s now using the very same skills she spent her entire life accruing, to provide value and impact for others as she&#8217;d been doing all along&#8230; except this time, she shows up fully as herself and feels joyful and free instead of miserable and suppressed.</p><p><strong>That&#8217;s metabolizing.</strong></p><p>...</p><p>If you&#8217;re recognizing your own pattern of negotiation, numbing, distraction&#8212;</p><p><strong>March 4th&#8217;s masterclass is where we go deeper.</strong></p><h4><strong>Why You Keep Doing the Thing You Know You Need to Stop: <br></strong><em>What Your Story Is Trying to Tell You&#8212;And How to Break the Cycle.</em></h4><p>Wednesday, March 4th at 12pm EST / 6pm Central European</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/monthly-masterclass&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;REGISTER HERE&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/monthly-masterclass"><span>REGISTER HERE</span></a></p><p>This training will be available for free to anyone who attends live, or watches the recording within 72 hours. After that, it goes into the members-only vault.</p><p>And if what I&#8217;m sharing here is landing&#8212;if you want the ongoing work of metabolizing your story and creating from soul instead of strategy&#8212;</p><p><a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/lfs">My </a><strong><a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/lfs">Living From Soul&#174;</a></strong> membership is where that happens.</p><p>It includes monthly wisdom calls like this one (with priority access to Q&amp;A), a vault of transformational meditations, trainings, and courses to deepen these teachings, weekly voice trainings from me, and a community of leaders doing this work.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/lfs&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;LEARN MORE&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/lfs"><span>LEARN MORE</span></a></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CPxC!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CPxC!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CPxC!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CPxC!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CPxC!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CPxC!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg" width="1456" height="1102" data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:1102,&quot;width&quot;:1456,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:null,&quot;bytes&quot;:13699223,&quot;alt&quot;:null,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpeg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;topImage&quot;:false,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/i/188934712?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CPxC!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CPxC!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CPxC!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CPxC!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe98f5d4c-67ee-4405-b355-e9b2f2321dcc_4480x3392.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>With love and courage,<br>Celinne &#129293;</p><p></p><h2>Related Reading: </h2><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;7bfd2617-a627-45c4-9e9f-e43236f36c43&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;My Fortune 150 client's finger was hovering over the send button. The angry email was drafted, justified, and ready to fire back at the colleague who'd spoken down to her in the meeting. Again.&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Listen now&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&#128142; When Conflict Becomes Your Greatest Teacher&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? I share raw stories and transmissions that give words to what you feel but rarely say. This is where you redesign how you communicate, lead, and live... from soul. TEDx speaker. Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2025-08-19T14:03:06.261Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/171042549/a1a74f23-f677-483e-943c-9bd92af9fbbc/transcoded-1755257037.png&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-conflict-becomes-your-greatest&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;Embodiment&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:171042549,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;podcast&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:2,&quot;comment_count&quot;:0,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;da2f7bf4-5a80-48ee-bd4a-536a662d8313&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;I was invited as a guest interviewer for a large event, staying in the speaker house where we'd each have one roommate as agreed. I'd just finished 12 hours of travel, was fighting a migraine, and desperately needed rest before three intense event days ahead.&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Listen now&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&#128142; When Your Body Says No But Your Mind Says \&quot;Don't Be Difficult\&quot;&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? I share raw stories and transmissions that give words to what you feel but rarely say. This is where you redesign how you communicate, lead, and live... from soul. TEDx speaker. Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2025-08-14T14:34:14.581Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/170973823/89ce102b-c5e2-4217-989d-55db7a8b4c5b/transcoded-1755180858.png&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-body-says-no-but-your-mind&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;Embodiment&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:170973823,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;podcast&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:4,&quot;comment_count&quot;:0,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;e665f7f3-742c-41d8-bfe3-99b663f114e7&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;A confession: I&#8217;ve lost the desire to be personal online.&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Read full story&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;When I Stopped Bearing It All Online&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? I share raw stories and transmissions that give words to what you feel but rarely say. This is where you redesign how you communicate, lead, and live... from soul. TEDx speaker. Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2025-09-08T14:03:15.110Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/384424ee-16d3-41de-b8d2-ba28e9ffcf8c_1334x890.jpeg&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-i-stopped-bearing-it-all-online&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;Alignment&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:173093682,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;newsletter&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:6,&quot;comment_count&quot;:1,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 "Oops, I did it again": how to stop punishing yourself for repeating habits you thought you'd outgrown]]></title><description><![CDATA[This piece explores why high-achieving leaders punish themselves for repeating old patterns, how emotional sobriety creates clearer decision-making, and a practical system for turning repeated mistakes into personal evolution.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/oops-i-did-it-again-how-to-stop-punishing</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/oops-i-did-it-again-how-to-stop-punishing</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 17 Feb 2026 18:22:34 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/188282095/0dd1861f-e127-4e0a-8bd4-022b13de9438/transcoded-1771350404.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I was coaching a client recently who had just gotten entangled with a toxic person... Again.</p><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/youve-done-the-work-so-why-hasnt">She&#8217;d done the work: years of boundary setting, practicing speaking her truth, resolving her own internal family constellation...</a></strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/youve-done-the-work-so-why-hasnt"> </a>the kind of deep, thorough inner work that&#8217;s supposed to prevent this exact thing from happening.</p><p>And yet, here she was.</p><p>Man, she was so hard on herself. So, so freaking hard on herself.</p><p><em>How could this happen again? Why did I do this? How is it possible that history is repeating itself?</em></p><p><em>I&#8217;ve done the work. I&#8217;ve paid for the coaching. I&#8217;ve read the books. I&#8217;ve sat in the ceremonies. And I&#8217;m STILL here? What is wrong with me?</em></p><p>If that sounds familiar, keep reading...</p><h3>Why self-punishment keeps you stuck longer than the mistake</h3><p>Here&#8217;s what I told her, and what I want you to hear too. When you&#8217;re stuck in that emotional spiral &#8212; the anger, the shame, the frustration of &#8220;I should know better&#8221; &#8212; you&#8217;re emotionally drunk.</p><p><strong>Your nervous system has been hijacked. <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-you-cant-find-creator-results">Your subconscious is playing out a movie reel of the past, projecting old stories into the present moment.</a></strong> Cortisol and stress hormones are flooding your body. Your chest is tight. Your thoughts are looping. You can&#8217;t sleep, or you can&#8217;t stop sleeping. Your body is holding the score of an old game. You literally cannot see the situation clearly.</p><p>And beating yourself up about it? That&#8217;s not in alignment with the aligned version of yourself who would be kind, compassionate, loving, understanding in that moment, who would hold a certain level of divine neutrality towards what&#8217;s happening.</p><p>So the first step isn&#8217;t to fix anything...</p><p><strong>The first step is emotional sobriety </strong>&#8212; processing the emotion, expanding your perspective, regulating your nervous system so you come back to neutrality. Sound, breath, movement.</p><p>If you&#8217;ve ever had a really good cry and then just... finished... you know this place. Children do it naturally. They finish crying and they&#8217;re like, <em>okay, I&#8217;m ready to get ice cream.</em> They emptied out their feelings.</p><p>That emptied-out place? That&#8217;s divine neutrality. That&#8217;s where clarity actually lives.</p><h3>When you find that neutral place, everything shifts</h3><p>From neutrality, you can actually see the pattern for what it is.</p><p>&#8220;Oh &#8212; this person is reminding me of my dad.&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;That story I told myself about not being enough just got activated again.&#8221;</p><p>And when you can see it from that third-party perspective, zoomed out, <strong>that&#8217;s the moment you have choice.</strong></p><p>Choice to let it go... to not play out the old story... to forgive yourself... not because what happened was great, but because staying in shame doesn&#8217;t serve your evolution.</p><h3>What I share in the full transmission</h3><p>In the audio, I walk through the specific steps I use with clients to move from emotional hijack to grounded decision-making &#8212; including what comes after neutrality, how to create systems that prevent repeating the same unconscious patterns, and a personal example from my own life that I&#8217;ve used after every single breakup to ensure I walk into the next chapter having actually integrated the lesson.</p><p>And if this is your current burning ground &#8212; if you&#8217;re standing in the middle of the pattern wondering how you got here again &#8212; I&#8217;ll be walking through this exact map in more depth in March.</p><p><strong>This is for the leader who holds themselves to impossible standards and punishes themselves when they fall short. </strong>The one who has done the work and is furious at themselves for still being here. Your adversity is your curriculum... but only if you know how to read it without destroying yourself in the process.</p><blockquote><p><strong>TAKEAWAY:</strong> <em>Self-punishment after repeating a pattern isn&#8217;t discipline &#8212; it&#8217;s another pattern. Emotional sobriety comes first. Compassion second. Systems third. Not everything needs to be analyzed &#8212; but all of it needs to be processed. That sequence changes everything.</em></p></blockquote><h3>&#10024; </h3><h3><strong>For Those Ready to Be Heard Clearly</strong></h3><p><strong>&#128161; Start here:</strong> <em><a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/art-of-articulation">The Art of Articulation</a></em> is a free masterclass on the foundations of soul-sourced communication. You&#8217;ll learn why there&#8217;s a gap between what you mean and what actually lands... and what it takes to close it.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/art-of-articulation&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Watch the Free Masterclass&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/art-of-articulation"><span>Watch the Free Masterclass</span></a></p><p><strong>&#128161; Ready for the full journey?</strong> If you&#8217;re standing on your own burning ground right now, <em><a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/articulate-application">Articulate</a></em> is a 5-month live cohort for leaders who know their purpose but haven&#8217;t yet found the words that match its weight. We don&#8217;t teach communication tactics. We dissolve what&#8217;s blocking the signal &#8212; through story work, nervous system regulation, and embodied practice &#8212; until your truth comes through undiluted. </p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/articulate-application&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Apply for Articulate&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/articulate-application"><span>Apply for Articulate</span></a></p><p></p><h2>Related Reading:</h2><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;bad3c080-0350-461b-89a0-48db056bbebc&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;I was recently on a call with a colleague, and at some point he asked me &#8212; &#8220;Are you an executive coach, or a life coach?&#8221;&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Read full story&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;You've done the work. So why hasn't the pattern shifted?&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? I share raw stories and transmissions that give words to what you feel but rarely say. This is where you redesign how you communicate, lead, and live... from soul. TEDx speaker. Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2026-01-21T17:52:06.927Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!iF6Z!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa823c089-698e-4e8d-b1bc-510d46e1a2b0_7988x5542.jpeg&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/youve-done-the-work-so-why-hasnt&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;Embodiment&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:185322065,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;newsletter&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:4,&quot;comment_count&quot;:2,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div><p></p><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;08ff8754-95fd-40ac-b09f-e4e2368cd96d&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;My Fortune 150 client's finger was hovering over the send button. The angry email was drafted, justified, and ready to fire back at the colleague who'd spoken down to her in the meeting. Again.&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Listen now&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&#128142; When Conflict Becomes Your Greatest Teacher&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? I share raw stories and transmissions that give words to what you feel but rarely say. This is where you redesign how you communicate, lead, and live... from soul. TEDx speaker. Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2025-08-19T14:03:06.261Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/171042549/a1a74f23-f677-483e-943c-9bd92af9fbbc/transcoded-1755257037.png&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-conflict-becomes-your-greatest&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;Embodiment&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:171042549,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;podcast&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:2,&quot;comment_count&quot;:0,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div><p></p><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;439098c6-f795-4d85-9b09-f23249d7fd58&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;I asked AI a question the other day and received an instant, insightful answer that would have taken a human days to compile. But as I prepared to ask my next question, I noticed something that stopped me cold: my body hadn't fully processed what it had just told me.&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Listen now&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&#128142; Reclaiming Your Well-Being in a World That Never Stops&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? I share raw stories and transmissions that give words to what you feel but rarely say. This is where you redesign how you communicate, lead, and live... from soul. TEDx speaker. Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2025-08-21T14:01:36.941Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/171044876/4112071c-2940-4e89-94e7-6731ff94d5d6/transcoded-1755259597.png&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/reclaiming-your-well-being-in-a-world&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;Alignment&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:171044876,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;podcast&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:3,&quot;comment_count&quot;:0,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div>
      <p>
          <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/oops-i-did-it-again-how-to-stop-punishing">
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 I started to cry and I started to laugh at the same time: why surrendering to heartbreak expands your capacity for joy.]]></title><description><![CDATA[This piece explores how leaders navigate heartbreak, why resistance to pain creates suffering, and how surrendering to grief becomes the pathway to expanded emotional capacity and deeper joy.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-started-to-cry-and-i-started-to</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-started-to-cry-and-i-started-to</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 29 Jan 2026 14:03:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/186083455/0e74fc8f-fbb4-4be9-a49f-0c52713fb7eb/transcoded-1769612059.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>When my last partner and I realized we were headed in different directions, he looked at me and asked, <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-want-the-best-for-him?r=z9o9v">&#8220;What do we do?&#8221;</a></p><p>And I said: &#8220;I don&#8217;t know. But I know this love is beautiful and healing... So let it transform you.&#8221;</p><p>I was speaking to myself as much as I was speaking to him.</p><p><em>Let it transform you. Let it transform you.</em></p><p>Up until recently, <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/faith-through-fire-keeping-your-heart?r=z9o9v">I would avoid opening my heart and falling in love out of fear of needing to put myself through that pain again.</a> It was too much, I would tell myself. It hurt too much. It set me back too many months, sometimes even years. So I&#8217;d rather control it, create really strict terms, and get in my mind about it.</p><p>Sound familiar?</p><p>High-achievers are especially good at this kind of protection. We&#8217;ve built sophisticated systems for managing risk&#8212;including emotional risk. We stay strategic. We keep our options open. We don&#8217;t let ourselves get too attached.</p><p>But there&#8217;s a hidden cost to all that control.</p><h3>Why we turn pain into suffering</h3><p>Pain is inevitable when you love someone.</p><p>But suffering... Suffering comes from the stories we layer on top. The contractions around who we needed them to be for us to feel okay. The narratives about what&#8217;s wrong with us because it didn&#8217;t work out the way we thought.</p><p>I had a moment recently that I&#8217;ll never forget. A wave of heartbreak moved through me, and instead of pushing it down or negotiating with it or turning away from it&#8212;I just allowed myself to cry and wail at the most seemingly inappropriate moment.</p><p>I let it in.</p><p>And something magical happened. I started to laugh. I started to cry and I started to laugh at the same time, because in that moment of complete surrender I was able to tap into something much bigger than me.</p><p>I just knew&#8212;without any textbook, without anyone telling me&#8212;I got it.</p><blockquote><p><em><strong>THE TAKEAWAY:</strong> Without my capacity to feel this pain, there wouldn&#8217;t be capacity to feel this joy. They&#8217;re two sides of the same coin.</em></p></blockquote><h3>The reframe</h3><p>What if the goal isn&#8217;t to avoid heartbreak?</p><p>What if it&#8217;s to let heartbreak move through you&#8212;like the breeze moving through the open windows of the home&#8212;without turning it into suffering with your stories?</p><p>Letting go of the narratives of <em>well it&#8217;s because this is wrong with me</em> or <em>it&#8217;s because (s)he&#8217;s this and (s)he&#8217;s that.</em> The contractions around who you needed that person to be. The stories about who you thought yourself to be because a relationship (and I&#8217;m talking ANY relationship here) didn&#8217;t work out.</p><p>What if this is just what it is? What if this is God&#8217;s plan?</p><h3>What&#8217;s in the full transmission</h3><p>In the audio, I go deeper into the specific practice I use to feel pain without turning it into suffering&#8212;and the distinction between surrender and collapse. I also share what I said to my last partner when we realized we were incompatible, and why the phrase &#8220;let it transform you&#8221; became my mantra through multiple heartbreaks.</p><p>This one is for you if you&#8217;ve been protecting yourself from love in ways that are also protecting you from joy.</p><div><hr></div><h3></h3><h2><strong>Related Reading:</strong></h2><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;b7329531-fd9f-4ebd-8981-4083b5ce865c&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;I walked along the beach, furious with God. \&quot;Show me a sign so clear that I can't question it,\&quot; I demanded. \&quot;Show me why I should have faith in you...but please, make it gentle.\&quot; Two weeks later, I found myself consciously uncoupling from a man I could have married,&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Listen now&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Faith Through Fire: Keeping Your Heart Open When Life Breaks It&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? I share raw stories and transmissions that give words to what you feel but rarely say. This is where you redesign how you communicate, lead, and live... from soul. TEDx speaker. Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2025-04-11T10:46:46.459Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/161084027/15a6ec68-25e2-4662-af89-302e3b43533c/transcoded-1744368226.png&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/faith-through-fire-keeping-your-heart&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;EMBODIMENT&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:161084027,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;podcast&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:1,&quot;comment_count&quot;:2,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div><p></p><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;2cc4096a-ceb9-41f3-8d44-e764dd39cd1e&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;For a year, I was in love with a man I knew wasn&#8217;t the father of my children&#8212;a conscious choice that taught me everything about leadership without certainty.&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Listen now&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Leadership Without Certainty: Why I Chose to Love Him Without Guarantees&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? I share raw stories and transmissions that give words to what you feel but rarely say. This is where you redesign how you communicate, lead, and live... from soul. TEDx speaker. Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2025-11-27T14:02:23.940Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/180099117/f359304e-d514-41f0-b74f-1f4f78226c99/transcoded-1764244711.png&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-i-chose-to-love-him-even-though&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;EMBODIMENT&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:180099117,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;podcast&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:3,&quot;comment_count&quot;:3,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div><p></p><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;bbca8b2f-6b6c-4c20-94d5-1cdb9dff5293&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;Months ago, I found myself making an impossible leadership decision ending a relationship with someone I deeply loved because our life visions fundamentally diverged.&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Listen now&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Making Impossible Leadership Decisions: The Lie About Love That Almost Broke Me&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? I share raw stories and transmissions that give words to what you feel but rarely say. This is where you redesign how you communicate, lead, and live... from soul. TEDx speaker. Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2025-11-06T14:03:18.261Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/178175606/403e027e-1468-4b3a-911c-3a049aa48bd8/transcoded-1762434897.png&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-lie-about-love-that-almost-broke&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;EMBODIMENT&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:178175606,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;podcast&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:7,&quot;comment_count&quot;:3,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div>
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          <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-started-to-cry-and-i-started-to">
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[You've done the work. So why hasn't the pattern shifted?]]></title><description><![CDATA[This piece explores why traditional coaching fails to create lasting change, how behavioral patterns are sustained by underlying states of consciousness, and what it takes to shift identity at the core for leaders in transition.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/youve-done-the-work-so-why-hasnt</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/youve-done-the-work-so-why-hasnt</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 21 Jan 2026 17:52:06 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!iF6Z!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa823c089-698e-4e8d-b1bc-510d46e1a2b0_7988x5542.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I was recently on a call with a colleague, and at some point he asked me &#8212; &#8220;Are you an executive coach, or a life coach?&#8221;</p><p>I&#8217;ve never known how to answer that.</p><p>Here&#8217;s an unpopular opinion... I don&#8217;t view your professional and personal life as separate, and that&#8217;s part of what makes me unique in my approach.</p><p><strong>At any given moment, your current state of consciousness is affecting every arena of your life: your work, your income, your relationships, your personals. All of it.</strong></p><p>You can take any subject in your life and, by identifying and <em>shifting</em> your core consciousness around that, you will upgrade and propagate every other field in your life. The change will ripple everywhere.</p><p>So when someone comes to me worried about money &#8212; that&#8217;s the entry point.</p><p>When someone comes to me concerned about their relationship &#8212; that&#8217;s the entry point.</p><p>When someone comes to me feeling like they&#8217;ve built the career and it&#8217;s still not <em>it</em> &#8212; that&#8217;s the entry point.</p><p>But what I&#8217;m <em>actually</em> interested in and what we&#8217;re working on together&#8230;</p><p>Is the core. Where is your state of consciousness is currently residing, and how efficiently can we shift it to align with your grand vision for your life?</p><p>Think of your state of consciousness as the lens you&#8217;re seeing through: your thoughts, feelings, and actions all flow from that lens&#8230; and over time, they harden into your identity, your patterns, your personality.</p><p>Most coaching tries to change the thoughts and behaviors.</p><p><strong>But if the lens stays the same, you keep recreating the same reality. </strong>When you shift the lens itself, your thoughts shift. Your feelings shift. Your actions shift. And your identity follows.</p><div><hr></div><p>At this time on our Earth, people&#8217;s personal lives and professional lives need to come into alignment and integration with one another.</p><p><strong>We can&#8217;t be one person behind closed doors at home and somebody else out in front of the crowds anymore.</strong> We need raw, real truth and authenticity.</p><p>We need to burn away all that is not true to us, so that we may lead a heart-led life, both personally and professionally.</p><p>To spend less time in board rooms playing ping-pong with egos, and more time creating and building a world that we&#8217;re proud of.</p><p>The compartmentalization that used to feel like professionalism &#8212; keeping personal and professional in separate lanes, performing one version of yourself at work and another with your family &#8212; is not sustainable. People can feel the disconnect, and more importantly, <em>you</em> can feel the self-fragmentation and it fucks with your clarity.</p><p>This is why so much traditional coaching doesn&#8217;t land. You work on your leadership skills with one coach while your nervous system is shot. You&#8217;re optimizing your team&#8217;s performance while your marriage quietly falls apart. You&#8217;re building the strategy for next quarter while your body hasn&#8217;t had a full night&#8217;s sleep in months.</p><p><strong>And somehow you&#8217;ve convinced yourself these are separate issues &#8212; that one has nothing to do with the other. </strong>But your same maladaptive patterns and destructive habits keep showing up in insidious ways&#8230; wearing a different outfit when really, it&#8217;s the same loop.</p><p>The leaders I work with aren&#8217;t looking for more fragmentation. They&#8217;re looking for <em>integration</em>. They want to stop code-switching between who they are and who they think they&#8217;re supposed to be, because this liberates A LOT of creative energy that would have otherwise been spent cutting off parts of you and squeezing into a box that never fit in the first place.</p><div><hr></div><p>I&#8217;ll share something a client said to me recently because it might resonate.</p><p>He&#8217;s a senior executive who&#8217;s been through twenty years of coaching at this point. He described himself as non-traditional, which is actually part of why he chose to work with me &#8212; he&#8217;d talked to four other executive coaches in the months before we connected, and something about each of them felt off. He said it wasn&#8217;t a thought, it was a feeling. Like, <em>this isn&#8217;t it. This isn&#8217;t it.</em> And then when we spoke, something clicked.</p><p>What he&#8217;s been working through is this internal conflict between head and heart that happens all the time. And it&#8217;s exhausting. He said, &#8220;It starts in the heart, but then it quickly gets overrun. My brain takes over.&#8221;</p><p>He&#8217;s a pleaser. He wants to make others happy. And as a result, he&#8217;ll sacrifice his own wellbeing to do that&#8230; and end up miserable anyway.</p><p>The worst part? He&#8217;s hyper-aware of it. He&#8217;ll stop himself and ask, <em>why am I doing this?</em> But the pattern keeps running.</p><p><strong>You might know that feeling: the awareness is there, you can see yourself doing the thing, and you still&#8230; can&#8217;t stop.</strong></p><p>When I asked him what happens in that moment when he can&#8217;t say no, he immediately went into his head and dissociated. Took the elevator upstairs and closed the doors. And I had to slow it down and say &#8212; <a href="https://open.substack.com/pub/celinnedacosta/p/why-you-freeze-in-high-stakes-conversations?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&amp;utm_medium=web">the freeze didn&#8217;t happen up there.</a> It happened<em> in your body. </em>That&#8217;s where the pattern lives. That&#8217;s where it has to be addressed.</p><p>Three months in, he told me the biggest shift was understanding when he&#8217;s using his head versus his heart. That before he walks into a meeting now, he has tools to find himself first. He&#8217;s not getting triggered the same way or being shaken by the things he&#8217;s encountering.</p><p>Not because he learned a new technique, because he shifted his state of consciousness <strong>at the core.</strong></p><div><hr></div><p>Another client spent her whole career fitting her bigness into a mold.</p><p>She described it as a weight &#8212; the weight of being the &#8220;weird&#8221; one in almost every room. She&#8217;s an innovative thinker: a walking contradiction you could say, of a technologist who&#8217;s deeply passionate about humanity and disruptive by nature. People around her kept trying to figure out how to give her feedback about how she wasn&#8217;t fitting, and she realized she&#8217;d spent years adapting, shrinking, and trying to find the right shape to squeeze into.</p><p>Maybe you know what that&#8217;s like. The feedback that never quite &#8220;sees&#8221; you&#8230; The sense that you&#8217;re too much of something or not enough of something else. The exhaustion of adjusting yourself to every room you walk into.</p><p>Until she got to a point where she said: <em>I&#8217;m done. I don&#8217;t need to do that anymore.</em></p><p>Not because circumstances changed, but because when she shifted her state of consciousness around this, her <strong>identity changed</strong>. She stopped trying to fit, and the world started responding differently.</p><div><hr></div><p>We rise and fall to the level of our identity. Our identity creates our systems. And our systems are comprised of our habits.</p><p>So to actually change your life &#8212; not just rearrange it &#8212; you need to shift the identity underneath. Not the identity you&#8217;ve performed nor the one you curated for LinkedIn or the one your parents hoped you&#8217;d become.</p><p>The one underneath all of that. The one that&#8217;s been calling you on a soul-level.</p><p><strong><a href="https://open.substack.com/pub/celinnedacosta/p/when-you-stop-living-your-fate-and?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&amp;utm_medium=web">Your personality is a program</a>: it&#8217;s everything you&#8217;ve been taught to think and believe about yourself and how things should be.</strong> It&#8217;s how you were conditioned to express yourself emotionally. It&#8217;s the patterns you run when you&#8217;re stressed, when you&#8217;re triggered, and when you&#8217;re afraid.</p><p>And none of that is bad, by the way. It served you. It got you here.</p><p>But it&#8217;s not the real you. The real you &#8212; your soul, your essence &#8212; is what&#8217;s underneath the program. And once you touch that, once you actually start operating from that place, the outer world has no choice but to rearrange itself to match.</p><div><hr></div><p>That knot in your stomach before that meeting? It has everything to do with why you can&#8217;t stop checking email at dinner.</p><p>The reason you keep saying yes when you mean no at work? Same reason your health keeps sliding down the priority list.</p><p>That low-grade burnout you&#8217;ve been calling &#8216;just how it is&#8217;? It&#8217;s connected to why your creative vision feels dimmer than it used to.</p><p>And the most important question isn&#8217;t which area to &#8220;fix&#8221; next.</p><p><strong>It&#8217;s whether you&#8217;re willing to go to the core of the dysfunction, and rewrite your story from the source&#8230;</strong></p><p>So you can lead, live, and work in a way that brings you deep meaning and fulfillment.</p><p>With love and courage,</p><p>Celinne &#129293;</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!iF6Z!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa823c089-698e-4e8d-b1bc-510d46e1a2b0_7988x5542.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!iF6Z!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa823c089-698e-4e8d-b1bc-510d46e1a2b0_7988x5542.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!iF6Z!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa823c089-698e-4e8d-b1bc-510d46e1a2b0_7988x5542.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!iF6Z!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa823c089-698e-4e8d-b1bc-510d46e1a2b0_7988x5542.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!iF6Z!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa823c089-698e-4e8d-b1bc-510d46e1a2b0_7988x5542.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!iF6Z!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa823c089-698e-4e8d-b1bc-510d46e1a2b0_7988x5542.jpeg" width="1456" height="1010" 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class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><div><hr></div><p>p.s. I work with leaders who are done with surface-level fixes and ready to do the real work &#8212; the kind that cleans up how you lead, how you live, and how you show up in every room you walk into, so you can shine your light instead of dimming it.</p><p>If that&#8217;s you, <strong><a href="https://courses.celinnedacosta.com/application/">I invite you to apply for a conversation here.</a></strong> We&#8217;ll talk about what&#8217;s actually going on and whether working together makes sense.</p><p></p><h2><strong>Related Reading:</strong></h2><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;01036de5-8e66-424c-ab93-1139bb24e685&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;Why do you freeze before important conversations... even when you know exactly what to say?&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Listen now&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Why You Freeze In High-Stakes Conversations: When Your Body Betrays You Before Your Voice Does&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? 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Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2026-01-06T16:43:18.621Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/183666029/4aadb057-c6d6-4d8e-a3aa-d945040a5934/transcoded-1767716810.png&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-you-freeze-in-high-stakes-conversations&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;EXPRESSION&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:183666029,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;podcast&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:3,&quot;comment_count&quot;:3,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div><p></p><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{&quot;nodeId&quot;:&quot;c8b7938b-5854-4b59-8fc9-893c6cfd01ce&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;I recently heard a quote that shook me to my core: \&quot;When you decide to become the conscious creator of your life, you stop living out your fate and you start living into your destiny.\&quot;&quot;,&quot;cta&quot;:&quot;Listen now&quot;,&quot;showBylines&quot;:true,&quot;showDescription&quot;:true,&quot;showImage&quot;:true,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;lg&quot;,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;When You Stop Living Your Fate and Start Creating Your Destiny&quot;,&quot;publishedBylines&quot;:[{&quot;id&quot;:59237923,&quot;name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa&quot;,&quot;bio&quot;:&quot;Quietly asking what's next? 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Forbes-featured.&quot;,&quot;photo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89cc077f-be2d-4e86-8bc3-8dabe38c56b6_4480x4480.jpeg&quot;,&quot;is_guest&quot;:false,&quot;bestseller_tier&quot;:null}],&quot;post_date&quot;:&quot;2025-11-20T14:02:28.987Z&quot;,&quot;cover_image&quot;:&quot;https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/179439684/ad68cb1f-0d7a-4a26-9942-446962bda6a1/transcoded-1763632656.png&quot;,&quot;cover_image_alt&quot;:null,&quot;canonical_url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/your-childhood-trauma-has-a-price&quot;,&quot;section_name&quot;:&quot;EXPANSION&quot;,&quot;video_upload_id&quot;:null,&quot;id&quot;:179439684,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;podcast&quot;,&quot;reaction_count&quot;:4,&quot;comment_count&quot;:3,&quot;publication_id&quot;:4202152,&quot;publication_name&quot;:&quot;Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174; &quot;,&quot;publication_logo_url&quot;:&quot;https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Erli!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0d36843-ede7-4de2-b18c-5ae29dd822e1_1280x1280.png&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;youtube_url&quot;:null,&quot;show_links&quot;:null,&quot;feed_url&quot;:null}"></div><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174;  is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email&#8230;" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Same Question, Different Energy]]></title><description><![CDATA[A reflection on asking the same life-defining question ten years apart&#8212;once from despair, once from peace&#8212;and how committed inner work creates transformation that becomes cellular, inevitable, and available to everyone.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-same-question-different-energy</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-same-question-different-energy</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 14 Jan 2026 14:03:18 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!VGDa!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe9ca3c53-ab68-490c-9523-52526519820b_4096x3137.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I had a moment at the gym this morning when I looked at myself in the mirror and asked, &#8220;What are you doing with your life?&#8221;</p><p>The words took me aback. I didn&#8217;t see them coming. I remember thinking, what kind of question is that, only to pause and realize&#8230;</p><p>I&#8217;ve asked this exact question before. 10 years ago, when I was trapped in the corporate hamster wheel in New York City, not seeing a way out. I was miserable, depressed, and feeling like every day my energy was getting sucked out of my body and I was barely getting by.</p><p>I asked this question out of despair, a &#8220;God, why have you forsaken me?&#8221; kind of energy. I felt helpless, I felt alone, I felt victimized to life.</p><p>And yet&#8230; the act of asking the question changed something. It moved the needle.</p><p><strong>It was exactly the kind of crack in the door that I needed in order to peep through and realize that something greater was calling me.</strong></p><p>And that was enough to light a fire under my bum and make major changes, the scariest of all, in order to change my life and <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-you-stop-living-your-fate-and?r=z9o9v">redirect my compass towards my destiny. Towards what my Soul had in store for me, rather than what my ego had been conditioned into.</a></p><p>Why do I share this?</p><p>Because today, the words were the same&#8230; But the energy was different.</p><p>It was a neutral, benign, playful question.</p><p><strong>What am I doing with my life?</strong></p><p>And just as soon as I recovered from the surprise of that question, I smiled.</p><p>Because the answer is:</p><p>I am living in a country that I love, where the sun shines 80% of the time.</p><p>I am taking care of my body, ensuring that I am giving it the nutrients and support she needs.</p><p>I&#8217;m growing my heart, and surrounding myself with people who are kind, compassionate, and life-giving, and mirror back to me my own sense of self-care and self-respect.</p><p>I&#8217;m deepening my connection to my spirit, strengthening my relationship with God and cultivating an inner garden that flourishes and blossoms no matter the external circumstances.</p><p>I&#8217;m doing the work that I love, the Soul Service that I came here for, with humans who deserve the world and are making a big difference, simply by the way they walk.</p><p><strong>I&#8217;m coming back Home to myself.</strong></p><p>&#8230; That&#8217;s what I&#8217;m doing with my life.</p><p>I never thought I could get here. I didn&#8217;t think it was possible for me. I honestly didn&#8217;t even understand how it was possible for others&#8230;</p><p>What I can see so clearly now, is that the work works. There is a way out, and if you are committed, you will find it. Or rather, it will find you.</p><p>That&#8217;s why when clients come to me, feeling so frustrated and stuck in their position, unable to fully express themselves or break out of the cage, I&#8217;m not worried about them. My belief in them is so strong because it&#8217;s in my cellular memory.</p><p>If it&#8217;s possible for me, it&#8217;s possible for you. It&#8217;s possible for all of us.</p><p>I had a full circle moment this year when one of my clients, who I&#8217;ve been partnering with for the last five years, literally said to me <strong>that the biggest shift she had during our work together was going from &#8220;living a life full of suffering&#8221; to <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/what-if-joy-is-your-natural-state?r=z9o9v">&#8220;waking up every day with joy, feeling excited for life.&#8221;</a></strong></p><p>If at any point, you&#8217;ve asked yourself&#8230; &#8220;What am I doing with my life?&#8221; In a way that evoked fear, hopelessness, or despair&#8230; Keep going. Keep searching. Commit to seeing the other side, because when you traverse that threshold (and you will), it will all make sense.</p><p><strong>Because who you become on the other side IS the payoff.</strong> And it is the version of you that can speak the words and take the actions that creates a way out for those still stuck in the tunnel.</p><p>What has been your strongest threshold moment? Would love to hear from you in the comments.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!VGDa!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe9ca3c53-ab68-490c-9523-52526519820b_4096x3137.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!VGDa!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe9ca3c53-ab68-490c-9523-52526519820b_4096x3137.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!VGDa!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe9ca3c53-ab68-490c-9523-52526519820b_4096x3137.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!VGDa!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe9ca3c53-ab68-490c-9523-52526519820b_4096x3137.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!VGDa!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe9ca3c53-ab68-490c-9523-52526519820b_4096x3137.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!VGDa!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe9ca3c53-ab68-490c-9523-52526519820b_4096x3137.jpeg" width="1456" height="1115" 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class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h4>Related Reading:</h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-you-stop-living-your-fate-and?r=z9o9v">When You Stop Living Your Fate and Start Creating Your Destiny</a></strong> (<em>Alignment)</em></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/what-if-joy-is-your-natural-state">What If Joy Is Your Natural State?</a> </strong>(<em>Embodiment)</em></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-you-keep-stalling-on-the-thing?r=z9o9v">Why You Keep Stalling on the Thing You Know You Need to Do</a></strong> (<em>Embodiment)</em></p></li></ul><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174;  is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email&#8230;" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 Observe, Don't Absorb: How to Stay Grounded When Someone Else's Emotions Become Your Problem]]></title><description><![CDATA[A framework for leaders who absorb others' emotional dysregulation. Learn to recognize energetic contamination, maintain boundaries without losing compassion, and clear what isn't yours.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/observe-dont-absorb-how-to-stay-grounded</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/observe-dont-absorb-how-to-stay-grounded</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 26 Dec 2025 14:02:49 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/182625148/84d163b2-6a5e-4d31-a3b1-4f68dce59d33/transcoded-1766754968.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It&#8217;s wild how normalized it is for leaders to absorb the emotional states of everyone around them&#8230; the dysregulated colleague, the overwhelmed client, the stressed team member offloading what they can&#8217;t contain onto the first authority figure they see.</p><p>As leaders, we take it in, believing it&#8217;s empathy. Believing it helps.</p><p>It doesn&#8217;t. It contaminates.</p><p>And sometimes the reminder comes from the most unexpected places.</p><div><hr></div><p>Earlier this year, my friend and I were driving through the Barton Springs, Austin area with lots of carsand people walking around. We were on a street trying to get out onto the main road, and there was a car in front of us that had basically stopped because the driver was chatting with some guy walking on the sidewalk.</p><p>After a couple of minutes of waiting, I gave a light honk. Not aggressive&#8230; just a gentle beep to let them know we were there.</p><p>The man on the sidewalk turned around with rage in his eyes and roared: &#8220;F**k you!&#8221;</p><p>My friend and I looked at each other. We&#8217;re both somatic healers, both coaches, both empaths. And we just said: &#8220;Wow&#8230; what was that?&#8221;</p><p>The honk was light. The response was nuclear. The mismatch was staggering.</p><div><hr></div><p>It was clear that this man was walking around <em>brimming</em>...</p><p>And I don&#8217;t mean slightly stressed. I mean barely containing years of unprocessed pain, anger, and suffering. The kind of discomfort that makes any small stimulus&#8212;a honk, a look, a tone&#8212;an outlet for everything he can&#8217;t hold inside himself.</p><p>He wasn&#8217;t reacting to me. He was spilling over.</p><p>And the thing is&#8230; this is the reality for a lot of people right now. They&#8217;re walking around buzzing with unresolved emotion, and when something pokes them, even gently, they need somewhere to put it. They dump it on the nearest target just to relieve themselves of the discomfort of carrying it.</p><p>When you stop taking their behavior personally, something else becomes possible.</p><div><hr></div><p>But here&#8217;s the part I want to share with you&#8230;</p><p>Even after years of doing this work, it took me about ten minutes to realize I&#8217;d absorbed his rage anyway.</p><p>His emotional packet slipped through my boundaries. I found myself running mental loops about this stranger, my thoughts contaminated with energy that wasn&#8217;t mine. And I wasn&#8217;t even conscious of it at first&#8230; I just felt off.</p><p>The moment I caught it&#8212;&#8221;Oh, I took that on&#8221;&#8212;I could clear it.</p><p>Love cleared it. Being in genuine joy with my friend cleared it. Not just changing the topic while still thinking about it, but actually dropping the thought and shifting into a higher frequency activity with someone I care about.</p><p>That&#8217;s what clears it. It&#8217;s love.</p><p>Those ten minutes? Time I didn&#8217;t need to spend. Energy that wasn&#8217;t mine to carry.</p><div><hr></div><p>And this is where compassion becomes a trap&#8230;</p><p>Empaths and healers slip into martyrdom. We take on everyone&#8217;s suffering believing it helps them. But when you do someone&#8217;s emotional homework, they never learn the material. You debilitate them in their soul&#8217;s evolution while contaminating your own vessel.</p><p>Healthy conscious relationship sounds like: &#8220;I am here to support you in doing your work. But I will not do your work for you&#8212;because I have my own work to do.&#8221;</p><div><hr></div><p>In the full voice transmission, I walk through the practice of &#8220;observe, don&#8217;t absorb&#8221;&#8212;how to recognize when you&#8217;ve taken on what isn&#8217;t yours, what actually clears energetic contamination (it&#8217;s simpler than you think), and why keeping your vessel empty and clear is the greatest service you can offer anyone.</p><p>This is for leaders who feel responsible for everyone&#8217;s emotional states&#8230; and are ready to discover what becomes possible when you stop.</p><div><hr></div><blockquote><p><em><strong>TAKEAWAY:</strong> Compassion for why someone snapped at you is not a justification for them to keep doing it. You can understand their pain AND hold a boundary. Both can be true.</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h4><strong>Ready to stop absorbing what isn&#8217;t yours?</strong></h4><p>If this story landed, there&#8217;s likely a pattern underneath it. The same dynamic that makes you a sponge for everyone&#8217;s emotional states is often connected to what&#8217;s blocking your own channel&#8212;unprocessed story, nervous system protection, years of editing yourself to fit into rooms that weren&#8217;t built for you.</p><p><strong>Articulate</strong> is a 4-month live cohort where we clear the channel between your inner knowing and your external expression. This isn&#8217;t communication training&#8212;it&#8217;s the story work, nervous system clearing, and embodied practice that allows your truth to finally come through without distortion.</p><p><strong><a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1w4m9m9tbawEojJY7ZSXIIhzt1LaELs0G/edit">[Apply for Articulate &#8594;]</a></strong></p><div><hr></div><h4><strong>Want To Learn More? Read These Related Articles:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-body-says-no-but-your-mind?r=z9o9v">When Your Body Says No But Your Mind Says &#8220;Don&#8217;t Be Difficult&#8221; </a><em>(Embodiment)</em></p></li><li><p><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-worst-enemy-becomes-your">How to Transform Toxic Workplace Relationships </a><em>(Embodiment)</em></p></li><li><p><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-conflict-becomes-your-greatest">When Conflict Becomes Your Greatest Teacher</a> <em>(Embodiment)</em></p></li></ul>
      <p>
          <a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/observe-dont-absorb-how-to-stay-grounded">
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[I Want the Best for Him — Even If It's Not Me]]></title><description><![CDATA[Choosing to love someone fully while knowing it will end. How unconditional love with clear boundaries becomes a forge for personal transformation&#8212;and what letting go teaches about trust.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-want-the-best-for-him</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/i-want-the-best-for-him</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 22 Dec 2025 18:18:38 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>Note: I wrote this piece in September, on what would have been our one-year anniversary. I needed a few months for it to settle before I could share it from a grounded place. Now, as the year comes to a close, it feels right to release it.</em></p><div><hr></div><p>Last year, I fell in love with a man who didn&#8217;t want children. In hindsight, I knew from the beginning&#8230; It&#8217;s crazy how the mind shields you when it doesn&#8217;t think you can handle Soul&#8217;s plan.</p><p>It wasn&#8217;t for lack of knowing what I want, nor was it for lack of communication &#8212; on our second phone call, I made crystal clear that one of my greatest dreams was to have a family, and any man who would choose to date me would need to share that vision.</p><p>&#8220;I&#8217;m open to it,&#8221; he said. I believed him because I could feel the sincerity in his voice. And, I could also feel the hesitation underneath that sincerity&#8230; the slight way that our voice wavers when we really want to be capable of doing something, but we doubt whether we truly can.</p><p><strong>&#8220;I will date you with honor,&#8221; he told me, &#8220;and if anything changes, I will let you know.&#8221;</strong></p><p>His words gave me the safety I needed to open my heart.</p><p>It was easy to love him.</p><p>The way he messaged me good night and good morning, regardless of what time zone we were in. The way he commented on the little things I was wearing, and told me a variation of how beautiful I looked every single day. The way he would call me every day to ask me about my day, how he would surprise me with dinner delivery when I commented I was hungry, and the steady way he would say &#8220;don&#8217;t worry, I got it&#8221; whenever I started to worry or fret about some menial task.</p><p>You would think that having an ocean between us would make it hard, but somehow it only brought us closer.</p><p>The depth of our conversations, which could go for hours unattended. The clarity of our intentions. How we saw and appreciated each other. The capacity to communicate about the hard things, in a way that most people won&#8217;t do even after years of knowing each other.</p><p><strong>It felt like there was nothing we could hide from one another. And there wasn&#8217;t.</strong></p><p>With each encounter, our love grew. While our virtual connection set the stage, our physical encounters filled in all those moments in between &#8212; surpassing the magic of what even the imagination could conjure.</p><p>From the adventures&#8230; Hiking trails in Brazil, crossing rivers in Colombia, ice-skating in Central Park, Vespa-ing through the streets of Rome, baring the desert at Burning Man&#8230;</p><p>To the adversities&#8230; The day I spent in bed immobilized by food poisoning, the awkward meeting of the family given our situation, the navigating of love with intercontinental traveling and busy schedules.</p><p>It felt like there was nothing we couldn&#8217;t do.</p><p>And yet&#8230;</p><p>Even though it was not an elephant in the room&#8230; <br>Even though we talked openly about it&#8230;</p><p><strong>There was an unspoken knowing beneath the words.</strong></p><p>I saw the way his eyes darted every time a baby passed by and my motherhood instincts came online.</p><p>I felt the way his body contracted whenever I brought up a future with kids.</p><p>I witnessed the way he loved them, and played with them as an uncle, but the detached way that he would give them back when it was time to go.</p><p>And in those moments when we had open, loving, conscious communication about his doubts and insecurities, even though we would arrive at an agreeable point, I could tell it was not his whole truth.</p><p>Part of me hid from it, because I did not want to see it. How could a love be this beautiful, and not work? Surely if the love gets bigger, something will change?</p><p>But with a love like this, things can&#8217;t stay hidden for long.</p><p>The anxiety built, the tension escalated, and as much as he tried to keep a lid on it, one day it hit a boiling point&#8230;</p><p>&#8220;I just don&#8217;t want more children,&#8221; he said to me, tears in his eyes, defeated.</p><p>I felt the words land in my heart and explode into a million pieces. He might as well have given us a death sentence.</p><p>And in that moment, I knew and he knew.</p><p>This path would need to end.</p><p>I remember feeling so confused, and so angry. First at him, and then at God.</p><p>I couldn&#8217;t compute how God could let this happen &#8212; why put in front of me a love so kind, so pure, so beautiful, only to take it away?</p><p>What kind of sick joke was this?</p><p>As I dropped him off at the airport, I cried. I didn&#8217;t know when I would see him again.</p><p>It had only been three months, but this love had already changed me.</p><p><strong>And it felt like it was only beginning.</strong></p><p>But it couldn&#8217;t be, because if I wanted a family and he couldn&#8217;t give that to me, then what else was there of this relationship?</p><p>This question initiated a transformation inside of me.</p><p>I could&#8217;ve easily dismissed it, called it a fluke, and forced myself to move on.</p><p>But I couldn&#8217;t do it.</p><p>My Soul, the very same voice that propelled me to say yes to falling in love with this man despite my mind&#8217;s warnings, beckoned me forward.</p><p>&#8220;There is more,&#8221; she said.</p><p>&#8220;But how?&#8221; My ego retorted. &#8220;This is a dead end.&#8221;</p><p>For days, an internal war waged between my mind, who wanted to cut the losses and go back to the starting point, and my Soul who kept telling me that the journey with this man was not done.</p><p>And so I listened.</p><p>I called him: &#8220;I love you, I want to be with you, <em>and</em>&#8230; I am opening myself to meeting the father of my children.&#8221;</p><p>We both weren&#8217;t quite sure how this was going to work. This was not an open relating arrangement. It was something&#8230; different. An exclusive relationship where we would love each other, and where there simultaneously was an opening for the man I would eventually have a family with to come in.</p><p>This agreement created a spaciousness, and also a discomfort and an awkwardness. With it came a huge expansion.</p><p><strong>To make space for this new reality, I had to completely reconfigure what love meant to me, and what being in a romantic relationship could mean.</strong></p><p>I come from a very traditional line of relating: a monogamous relationship where you&#8217;re with someone that you have family and a future with for the rest of your days, and anything that isn&#8217;t that is a waste of time.</p><p>I had to reprogram myself from the inside out &#8212; to surrender to this love that was growing between us, and allow it to educate me and show me what it wanted to become.</p><p>I couldn&#8217;t believe in what I used to believe in to be with this man.</p><p>What was shown to me instead was something greater.</p><p>I made a conscious choice to stay with him and to love him fully, knowing that our relationship would have to come to an end within a year&#8217;s time.</p><p>And in that choice&#8230;</p><p><strong>I was shown how to love a man unconditionally. How to love him even though I knew he wouldn&#8217;t be able to give me that which I most desired.</strong></p><p>I learned to love him for all that he is, for his dreams and his vision &#8212; even though some of that is exactly the reason why we weren&#8217;t able to stay together.</p><div><hr></div><p>There was a moment when I stood in his backyard, and I called him to me:</p><p>&#8220;You know how terminally ill patients are given a certain amount of time to live, and they use that time to live to their fullest?&#8221; I told him.</p><p>&#8220;What if we use the time we have together to love each other to the fullest?&#8221;</p><p>I watched his eyes light up with awe and excitement. &#8220;Let&#8217;s do it.&#8221;</p><p>And that we did.</p><div><hr></div><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg" width="1456" height="819" data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/bf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:819,&quot;width&quot;:1456,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:null,&quot;bytes&quot;:2952509,&quot;alt&quot;:null,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpeg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;topImage&quot;:false,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/i/182340586?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF7G!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf9de8ac-cea0-465e-8c26-8d114a9a0c72_3527x1984.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p></p><p>The deep love that we shared was our guide. It was a force we could surrender into. And just as it had brought us back together when it &#8220;logically&#8221; made sense for us to part ways, it told us when it was time to let each other go.</p><p>Nine months after his confession, we agreed to separate.</p><p>Not because we loved each other less &#8212; on the contrary, our love grew more every day. But because we loved each other so much, that we knew the right choice was to release one other so we could walk the path towards our respective dreams.</p><p>I remember how, the last time we made love, we held each other so tightly &#8212; as tightly as we had so many other times before, when we knew this day would come but weren&#8217;t ready to face it.</p><p>It felt like I was tearing my heart out of my chest.</p><p><strong>And the only way I could justify this decision was to offer it to something greater than me.</strong></p><p>I had been so angry at God at first. It took me time to realize the gift He had been giving me.</p><p>I received a year of pure love. Of fun, sexiness, joy, adventure, pleasure, challenge, laughter, growth, trust, safety, remembrance.</p><p>I loved with all of me.</p><p>I loved knowing it would end.</p><p>And that love forged me.</p><p>It reshaped me from the inside out.</p><p>Because now that I&#8217;ve loved like this, I can never go back.</p><p>It&#8217;s a love that stays within me even when he&#8217;s gone.</p><div><hr></div><p>Today would have been our one year anniversary.</p><p>Had I known the woman I would become just one year ago&#8230; I don&#8217;t think there&#8217;s anything I could&#8217;ve done to prepare for it.</p><p>And although my heart is broken, and I miss him every day, I also know I have been given the greatest gift.</p><p>I had the courage to step into the fire and stay.</p><p>And who I&#8217;ve emerged as on the other side is not the woman I used to be.</p><p>She&#8217;s bigger, braver, with a heart so big it takes my breath away.</p><p>I see her now, the way he saw me.</p><p>I speak to her more kindly now, the way he used to speak to me.</p><p>I see more of her brilliance, the way he used to remind me.</p><p>She&#8217;s different. I&#8217;m different.</p><p><strong>It is with such profound gratitude and honor that I let this man go.</strong></p><p>I thank God every day for the opportunity to have loved like this.</p><p>This experience has been the biggest act of trust and surrender for me&#8230; To know that I can have this and more, and that I&#8217;m free to pursue my vision: my heart&#8217;s greatest calling to be a mother.</p><p>I don&#8217;t know when, and I don&#8217;t know how, but I trust.</p><p>I trust in love, I trust in God, and I trust in the woman I&#8217;ve become from this initiation.</p><p>A mentor once told me that love is wild and uncontrollable. That when it came, it would sweep me off my feet and the best thing I could do was surrender to it.</p><p>I understand now.</p><p>I also understand that we let people go because Love has a way of rearranging the Universe in ways that are far grander than we could&#8217;ve imagined.</p><p>And even though I don&#8217;t understand why, and even though I sometimes relapse into confusion and fear, there is now a greater knowing in my heart that God knows exactly what He&#8217;s doing.</p><p>So I give it to God.</p><p>This is my offering:</p><p>I put it all in the fire, with trust that the ashes will somehow turn into gold.</p><div><hr></div><p><strong>My prayer:</strong></p><p>May we be free. May we be happy. May we have what we&#8217;re here to create.</p><p>May this love, now forever etched in the tapestry of our being, show us the way.</p><p></p><p>With love and courage,</p><p>Celinne</p><div><hr></div><h4><strong>Related Posts:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-i-chose-to-love-him-even-though">Leadership Without Certainty: Why I Chose to Love Him Without Guarantees</a> </strong><em>(Embodiment)</em></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/faith-through-fire-keeping-your-heart">Faith Through Fire: Keeping Your Heart Open When Life Breaks It</a> </strong><em>(Embodiment)</em></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-divine-surrender-finding-freedom">The Divine Surrender: Finding Freedom When Your Plans Fall Apart</a> </strong><em>(Alignment)</em></p></li></ul><p></p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174;  is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email&#8230;" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 Why Your Fear of Being 'Found Out' Is Keeping You Small]]></title><description><![CDATA[When shame becomes a weapon, leaders cave to manipulation. Learning to own your mistakes without carrying others' projections transforms how you lead and who controls your decisions.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-your-fear-of-being-found-out</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-your-fear-of-being-found-out</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 16 Dec 2025 19:57:44 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/181153920/0e2bf208e36e53f00d56303270b92465.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There&#8217;s a moment in every leader&#8217;s journey when someone tries to use your imperfection against you.</p><p>When your private frustrations become public ammunition.</p><p>When your humanity becomes their weapon.</p><p>I faced that moment last year.</p><p>A contractor I&#8217;d hired&#8212;someone I later realized I was in a trauma bond with&#8212;tried to blackmail me into paying for work she hadn&#8217;t done by threatening to expose private text conversations that had happened between us.</p><p>Conversations where I&#8217;d vented to her in confidence about work stress. Where I&#8217;d said things in frustration that I wasn&#8217;t proud of. Where I was... vulnerable and human.</p><p>They say hindsight is 20/20, and I can see so clearly now what I couldn&#8217;t back then: I said yes when I meant no. I laughed at inappropriate comments to keep the peace. I allowed toxic behavior toward my team because the dynamic felt familiar&#8212;like patterns from my childhood that my nervous system recognized as &#8220;home.&#8221;</p><p>By the time I realized what was happening, the damage was done...</p><p>And the evidence was ready and collected to be used against me.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>The Pattern</strong></h3><p>The threat was clear: pay for work that hadn&#8217;t been completed, or watch your private humanity become public ammunition.</p><p>My first instinct was the same one I&#8217;d spent decades perfecting: to cave in, apologize even when I was the one being blackmailed, and contort myself to make the problem disappear.</p><p>Because somewhere deep in my operating system, I still believed that if someone else was blaming me, they must be right and I must be wrong.</p><p>In the past, I would have caved. The shame would have been too big to handle. I would have paid whatever price necessary to keep my imperfections hidden, to maintain the image of the perfect leader who never struggles, never snaps, or says anything she later regrets.</p><p>But this time, something shifted.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>The Realization</strong></h3><p>When you spend a year and a half asking life for higher integrity, it doesn&#8217;t give you a manual for perfection.</p><p>Instead, it shows you every single way you&#8217;ve been operating out of alignment...</p><p>It becomes a mirror for all the places you&#8217;ve been compromising your truth, saying yes when you meant no, laughing at and going along with things that didn&#8217;t align with your values just to bond with someone or fit in.</p><p></p><p>And eventually, it asks you a question: Are you willing to face your shadows, or will you keep letting them control you from the darkness?</p><div><hr></div><blockquote><p><strong>Here&#8217;s what shifted everything:</strong> Shame is the ultimate weapon. As long as you&#8217;re afraid of it, anyone who knows your secrets can control you. They can extort you for money, compliance, silence. They can make you compromise your boundaries, your values, your decision-making authority&#8212;all so you can avoid the discomfort of being &#8220;wrong,&#8221; or being seen as imperfect. The moment you&#8217;re willing to face your shame and own your actual mistakes without carrying the weight of someone else&#8217;s distorted version of events... everything changes.</p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>The Distinction That Changes Everything</strong></h3><p>There&#8217;s a crucial difference between taking accountability for your real mistakes and taking responsibility for other people&#8217;s projections.</p><p>When you can&#8217;t distinguish between legitimate feedback and manipulative blame-shifting, you become controllable.</p><p>The people who know your heart won&#8217;t buy into the stories. And the people who buy into the stories? They were never your people anyway.</p><div><hr></div><p>This isn&#8217;t just my story.</p><p>It&#8217;s the story of every leader who&#8217;s been shamed for being human. Every executive who&#8217;s compromised their vision to avoid conflict. Every founder who&#8217;s stayed silent about toxic dynamics because they feared the exposure more than the compromise.</p><p><strong>In today&#8217;s voice transmission, I share:</strong></p><ul><li><p>What happened when I chose integrity over protecting my image</p></li><li><p>Why owning my shadows and mistakes gave me more power (not less)</p></li><li><p>How distinguishing between your actual growth edges and other people&#8217;s projections becomes the key to unshakeable leadership</p></li><li><p>The specific moment everything shifted&#8212;and what that means for you</p></li></ul><p><strong>If you&#8217;re a paid member, press play to hear the full story.</strong></p><div><hr></div><p><strong>If this is your first time here:</strong> I write about alignment, emotional mastery, embodied expression and soul-led leadership. If this resonates, you can <a href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/lfs">join the Living From Soul&#174; membership</a> for deeper teachings, monthly gatherings, and access to the full vault.</p><p></p><h4><strong>Related Reading:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-worst-enemy-becomes-your?r=z9o9v">When Conflict Becomes Your Greatest Teacher</a> </strong><em>(Embodiment)</em></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/when-your-body-says-no-but-your-mind?r=z9o9v">When Your Body Says No But Your Mind Says &#8220;Don&#8217;t Be Difficult&#8221;</a> </strong><em>(Embodiment)</em></p></li></ul>
      <p>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Rewiring Relationship Patterns: What Changed When I Stopped Blaming Men]]></title><description><![CDATA[Discover how a two-year journey of rewiring relationship patterns didn't just transform one leader's love life&#8212;it fundamentally changed how she showed up in business, networking, and leadership.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/what-changed-when-i-stopped-blaming</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/what-changed-when-i-stopped-blaming</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 02 Dec 2025 14:02:53 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!k9ig!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9902f429-e42b-4247-98ed-a07d85f6cb81_1170x574.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>If you&#8217;d asked me to describe my love life just four years ago, when I was on the backend of the most painful and toxic breakup I&#8217;d known, I wouldn&#8217;t have believed that rewiring relationship patterns would change everything&#8212;including my leadership.</strong></p><p><strong>The first words that would have come through were &#8220;train wreck.&#8221;</strong></p><p>So when I was invited to speak to a group of women about how to better relate to and treat men&#8212;you&#8217;d have to know my history to understand why this was such a full circle moment.</p><p>This was a consequence of a lifetime of conditioning, watching two unhappy parents scream and fight with each other almost every day at home, learning that lying, deceiving, and hurting each other was normal and common in the game of love.</p><p>My childhood conditioning led me to unconsciously choose men who I could overpower, which meant that I could feel safe in my self-protection (but never with them), OR the ones who were emotionally unavailable, avoidant, and sometimes even cruel.</p><p>I didn&#8217;t know another way&#8230; this felt familiar.</p><p>Until&#8230; In the midst of my self-development journey, the pain and betrayal got so bad that I looked myself in the mirror and said:</p><p>&#8220;That&#8217;s enough.&#8221;</p><p>I decided that I was going to change. That THIS was going to change, because I didn&#8217;t want to suffer anymore.</p><h2><strong>The Two-Year Experiment That Changed Everything</strong></h2><p>This propelled me on a two-year journey where I &#8220;quit&#8221; men. I stopped dating completely and abstained from any kind of physical sexual relation.</p><p>What I did instead:</p><p>I worked on myself.</p><p>I went to therapy to process my past and better understand my behaviors.</p><p>I did womb healing work to come into reconnection with my womanhood.</p><p>I studied to be a Tantra practitioner for a year, to deepen my communion with myself.</p><p>I saw healers to help me clear karmic patterns and distortions in my field.</p><p>I asked for help.</p><p>I confronted the men of my past.</p><p>I bore my heart and cried&#8230; A lot.</p><p>I stopped hiding from my fear of ending up alone, my insecurity of not being lovable enough, my lack of self-worth in this department, and I looked it straight in the face, with a LOT of courage.</p><p>Lastly, I studied male psychology. Why men are the way they are. What motivates them. What they need to feel respected, appreciated, empowered.</p><p>I stopped thinking about what I could &#8220;get&#8221; from being in relationship with them, and started contemplating how I could become the kind of woman who inspired the best from them.</p><h4><strong>What happened next, I couldn&#8217;t have predicted in a million years!</strong></h4><p>It wasn&#8217;t that men changed. It&#8217;s that I did&#8212;and suddenly, I was surrounded by a different kind of man entirely.</p><p>I went from &#8220;there&#8217;s no good men out there&#8221; to being surrounded by men who&#8230;</p><p>Hardly let me open my own doors in their presence.</p><p>Walk me home, ensuring I&#8217;m on the inside part of the sidewalk so I&#8217;m protected.</p><p>Offer me their jacket if I express even a little chill.</p><p>Make the plans, lead the way, make the decisions so I can relax and enjoy the moment.</p><p>And this was not just men who are romantically interested in me&#8212;this was my friends, colleagues, strangers on the street, even my father shifted.</p><p>It&#8217;s fascinating because I had been doing this work on myself in the areas of business, money, health&#8230; heck, rewiring subconscious stories was what I was helping my clients do in their day-to-day lives!</p><p>But it took me a personal crisis to realize I could apply my tools to this area of my life and actually make a difference.</p><p><strong>And here&#8217;s what I didn&#8217;t expect: when this shifted in my love life, it shifted everywhere.</strong> How I showed up in networking events. How I responded when men tried to diminish me in professional settings. The same rewiring that changed my relationships, actually changed my leadership.</p><p>All of that to say&#8230;</p><p>Fast-forward to today, and I love men.</p><p>I am surrounded by the most incredible, kind, self-aware, masculine, emotionally available, intelligent, loving, protective, supportive, providing, safe, interesting men I have ever known.</p><p>There is no shortage of them.</p><p>And as I now engage with the women in my life, the conversation is no longer about how they mistreated me and what cuss word I can call them, but about how much I appreciate them and how can I be a better presence in their life.</p><p>This changed everything for me, and it is a gift that I cannot keep to myself.</p><p>Which is why when my dear sister and Relationship Alchemist @kasialoveli invited me to share this conversation with the world, it was a full body yes!</p><p>I&#8217;m watching so many women struggle with finding a healthy relationship, or consistently being pulled into yet another toxic attachment, and power dynamics that are really just mirrors of their past that they haven&#8217;t yet become aware of&#8230;</p><p>And I just want to scream it from the rooftops:</p><h4><strong>There is another way.</strong></h4><p>And that way is not dependent on anyone outside of you. It starts from within.</p><p>Here&#8217;s the kicker, which I will discuss in depth in this free masterclass&#8230;</p><p><strong>The payoff of doing this work is NOT &#8220;getting&#8221; men to treat you differently.</strong> If you treat it as a strategy or manipulation, it will never work because it&#8217;s not about that.</p><h4><strong>It&#8217;s about becoming the woman who no longer needs to.</strong></h4><p>The inner peace, the joy, the ease, the flow&#8230; That&#8217;s why.</p><p>So if this is something you&#8217;re desiring to experience in your life, I&#8217;d love to see you there.</p><p><strong>(This is the same rewiring work I help executives do with their unconscious business patterns.)</strong></p><p>This is the kind of inner work I walk alongside my clients every day&#8212;the rewiring of old stories that keep us looping in patterns that no longer serve. If you&#8217;ve been curious about what it looks like to go deeper into this with me, this is a beautiful entry point.</p><p><strong>(The same principle applies: change your lens, change your reality.)</strong></p><div><hr></div><h4><strong>This is the kind of inner work I walk alongside leaders every day&#8212;</strong></h4><p>The rewiring of old stories that keep us looping in patterns that no longer serve.</p><p>Whether it&#8217;s in relationships, business dynamics, or team culture, the process is the same:</p><p>&#10024; Identify the unconscious pattern</p><p>&#10024; Understand where it came from</p><p>&#10024; Rewire it with conscious choice</p><p>Join me for a FREE masterclass where I&#8217;ll teach exactly how this works:</p><h3><strong>The Queen&#8217;s Code: A Reframe on Men</strong></h3><p><strong>Wednesday, December 10th | 9am PST / 12pm EST / 6pm CET</strong></p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://courses.celinnedacosta.com/queens-code-replay-page&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;WATCH THE REPLAY&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://courses.celinnedacosta.com/queens-code-replay-page"><span>WATCH THE REPLAY</span></a></p><p>Men and women welcome. Come live if you can&#8212;there will be space for questions and real conversation.</p><h4><strong>&#10024; Want to go deeper?</strong></h4><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/lfs&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Join Living From Soul Membership&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://storyatlas.celinnedacosta.com/lfs"><span>Join Living From Soul Membership</span></a></p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.com/private-coaching-with-celinne/&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Explore Private Coaching&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://celinnedacosta.com/private-coaching-with-celinne/"><span>Explore Private Coaching</span></a></p><p class="button-wrapper" 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srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!k9ig!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9902f429-e42b-4247-98ed-a07d85f6cb81_1170x574.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!k9ig!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9902f429-e42b-4247-98ed-a07d85f6cb81_1170x574.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!k9ig!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9902f429-e42b-4247-98ed-a07d85f6cb81_1170x574.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!k9ig!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9902f429-e42b-4247-98ed-a07d85f6cb81_1170x574.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Celinne Da Costa | Living From Soul&#174;  is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email&#8230;" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 Leadership Without Certainty: Why I Chose to Love Him Without Guarantees]]></title><description><![CDATA[Discover why leadership without certainty taught this leader how to show up 100% in business and why most leaders live at 70% because they're waiting for guarantees before giving their all.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-i-chose-to-love-him-even-though</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-i-chose-to-love-him-even-though</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 27 Nov 2025 14:02:23 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/180099117/f359304e-d514-41f0-b74f-1f4f78226c99/transcoded-1764244711.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>For a year, I was in love with a man I knew wasn&#8217;t the father of my children&#8212;a conscious choice that taught me everything about leadership without certainty.</strong></p><p>Everyone thought I was crazy. But this choice to love without forever taught me something I&#8217;d never learned in any other context: how to show up 100% without needing guarantees.</p><p>Most of us are living 70% lives. In our relationships, we hold back because we don&#8217;t know if they&#8217;ll last. In our careers, we hedge our bets because the future is uncertain.  In our health, our dreams, our daily choices&#8212;we save our best selves for when we have certainty.</p><p>But here&#8217;s what this experience revealed: certainty isn&#8217;t what allows us to love fully. It&#8217;s the willingness to be completely present in what we have right now.</p><p>When we both started being dismissive with each other&#8212;not booking trips, not fully investing because &#8220;we&#8217;re going to break up anyway&#8221;&#8212;we caught ourselves and made a conscious choice. We decided to live our relationship to the fullest until that natural completion arrived.</p><p>And in doing so, something profound emerged: the version of ourselves that gives everything without requiring permanence. That loves without needing ownership. That shows up in full power by choice, not obligation.</p><p><strong>(This builds on what I learned about love&#8217;s unlimited potential vs. human capacity.)</strong></p><p>But here&#8217;s the real revelation that came through...</p><h4><strong>Why Most Leaders Live at 70% (And How to Stop)</strong></h4><p>The pattern we caught ourselves in&#8212;living at 70% because &#8220;it&#8217;s going to end anyway&#8221;&#8212;is exactly what most leaders do in business. They hold back from their teams because people might leave. They hedge their bets on strategies because markets might shift. They save their best leadership for &#8220;when they know it will work out.&#8221;</p><p>In this transmission, I share the profound inquiry that changes everything: If you knew your current role, relationship, or life chapter had a completion date, would you love less... or would you finally let yourself love fully?</p><p>Listen to discover what happens when you stop waiting for guarantees to give your all&#8212;and why this shift transforms not just how you lead, but how you live.</p><p><strong>(This same principle applies to speaking&#8212;trusting your message without needing guarantees.)</strong></p><div><hr></div><p><strong>If this landed, there&#8217;s a pattern underneath it.</strong></p><p>It shows up in how you lead, how you communicate, and how you hold back the most powerful parts of yourself because you&#8217;re waiting for certainty.</p><p>Want to explore exactly where you&#8217;re living at 70%?</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.com/story-clarity-intensive/&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Book a Story Clarity Intensive&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://celinnedacosta.com/story-clarity-intensive/"><span>Book a Story Clarity Intensive</span></a></p><p>A 90-minute session where we identify the patterns holding you back and map your path to 100% expression.</p><p>Or upgrade to annual subscription if you are paying monthly for more benefits: </p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Upgrade Soul Membership&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips"><span>Upgrade Soul Membership</span></a></p><div><hr></div><h4><strong>Related Reading:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-lie-about-love-that-almost-broke?r=z9o9v">The Lie About Love That Almost Broke Me</a></strong><em> (Embodiment)</em></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/know-your-teachings-youll-know-what?r=z9o9v">Authentic Public Speaking: Know Your Teachings, You&#8217;ll Know What to Say </a></strong><em>(Expression)</em></p></li></ul>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[💎 Making Impossible Leadership Decisions: The Lie About Love That Almost Broke Me]]></title><description><![CDATA[Explore why love sometimes isn't enough in impossible leadership decisions and how to distinguish between love's unlimited potential and our human capacity to surrender to transformation.]]></description><link>https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-lie-about-love-that-almost-broke</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/the-lie-about-love-that-almost-broke</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Celinne Da Costa]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 06 Nov 2025 14:03:18 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/178175606/403e027e-1468-4b3a-911c-3a049aa48bd8/transcoded-1762434897.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>Months ago, I found myself making an impossible leadership decision ending a relationship with someone I deeply loved because our life visions fundamentally diverged.</strong></p><p>A mentor had once shared with me, &#8220;Love is not enough&#8221;&#8212;wise counsel meant to protect me from unrealistic expectations. Her words carried the weight of lived experience, yet something in my system couldn&#8217;t digest them. They felt like poison I couldn&#8217;t process, logically sound but energetically wrong.</p><p>This heartbreak became my teacher. Not because it proved her right or wrong, but because it revealed a crucial distinction that transforms how we navigate every high-stakes decision in leadership.</p><h2><strong>The Difference Between Love&#8217;s Potential and Human Capacity</strong></h2><p>What I discovered wasn&#8217;t that love conquers all, but that we often blame love for what are actually human limitations. Love IS unlimited potential&#8212;the field of infinite possibility. What creates boundaries isn&#8217;t love&#8217;s inadequacy, it&#8217;s our current capacity to surrender into the level of transformation that complete alignment would require.</p><p>Most leaders face this same dynamic in business partnerships, team relationships, and strategic decisions. We care deeply, we&#8217;re committed to success, yet sometimes things don&#8217;t work despite our best efforts. The question becomes: are we dealing with external circumstances, or are we bumping up against our own developmental edges?</p><p><strong>(This same dynamic shows up when we know something has a completion date&#8212;do we love less, or do we finally let ourselves love fully?)</strong></p><p>Listen to the full story, which reveals why this distinction matters for every impossible choice you&#8217;ll face&#8212;and how to transform victim stories about &#8220;why it&#8217;s not working&#8221; into conscious leadership decisions that honor where you are while creating space for who you&#8217;re becoming.</p><p><strong>Often, the unconscious patterns we carry create the very limitations we blame on external circumstances.</strong></p><div><hr></div><h4><strong>Learning to love without losing yourself in leadership and life?</strong></h4><p>This is exactly the kind of leadership edge we explore in <strong>Private Coaching</strong>&#8212;where I guide executives through the intersection of emotional truth and strategic decision-making.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.com/private-coaching-with-celinne/&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Apply for Private Coaching&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://celinnedacosta.com/private-coaching-with-celinne/"><span>Apply for Private Coaching</span></a></p><p>Or if you want to experience this work in a concentrated format:</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://celinnedacosta.com/inpersonvipday/&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Book a VIP Day Immersion&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://celinnedacosta.com/inpersonvipday/"><span>Book a VIP Day Immersion</span></a></p><p>A full-day intensive where we excavate your patterns, clarify your truth, and map your next level of leadership.</p><p>This is where conscious leaders do the deeper work.</p><div><hr></div><h4><strong>Related Reading:</strong></h4><ul><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-i-chose-to-love-him-even-though?r=z9o9v">Why I Chose to Love Him, Even Though He Wasn&#8217;t My Forever Person</a></strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/why-i-chose-to-love-him-even-though?r=z9o9v"> </a><em>(Embodiment)</em></p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/your-childhood-trauma-has-a-price?r=z9o9v">Your Childhood Trauma Has a Price Tag</a></strong><a href="https://celinnedacosta.substack.com/p/your-childhood-trauma-has-a-price?r=z9o9v"> </a><em>(Expansion)</em></p></li></ul>
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